I AM SHY

 shy ¹  (sh)

adj. shi·er (shr) or shy·er, shi·est (shst) or shy·est

1. Easily startled; timid.

2.

a. Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others; retiring or reserved.

b. Marked by reserve or diffidence: a shy glance.

3. Distrustful; wary: shy of strangers.

4. Not having paid an amount due, as one's ante in poker.

5. Short; lacking: Eleven is one shy of a dozen.

intr.v. shied (shd), shy·ing, shies (shz)

1. To move suddenly, as if startled; start.

2. To draw back, as from fear or caution; recoil.

n. pl. shies (shz)

A sudden movement, as from fright; a start.

By definition SHY means alot as you can see above.. 

AND IN REALITY NONE OF YOU MAY BELIEVE THAT I AM SHY 

since you know me in real life.. 

and see how I am . 

ex. I am always getting peoples numbers for friends or brothers friends.

ex. always talking and having a conversation with random people or strangers and end up becoming friends.

but I believe I am shy 

by definition 2-a and 3. 

2-a I have noticed that, there are certain things that I cant say. Certain things that I would rather write out.. and get a response then to sit there and talk about it face to face. 

I honestly get shy, and I don't want to see the person expression or how they will react. 

I am especially shy, when it comes to matters of the heart.. 

if i am feeling something.. 

or thinking about something strongly. 

I am much better at articulating it and getting my point across. with it making sense.. if I simply write it out. 

I know that for some people that is both annoying and useless. 

but for me it works. 

It is what I have done since I was little. 

Always expressing myself threw writing. 

In some incenses I can voice my opinion. but it seems also that I always say the thing your not suppose to say. 

or I word things so badly.. 

which is ironic because I can always word things perfectly for friends.. but when it comes to me it is as if my 

brain just goes dead. 

I am trying to get better. And be able to speak to people about things... but in tell I am simply SHY. 

3 this one is an easy one.. 

I am completely DISTRUSTFUL 

I know that I am.. 

it is not that I don't trust people because there are alot of people in my life

that I could trust my life too . 

but I am Distrustful with my heart. 

I know, I know . 

Woop De Doo . 

What fag or with that what person isn't. 

As I have mentioned before, when I was pretty much married. 

Alot of things happened.. 

and I was always the one getting hurt. 

I started to fallow my gut alot more. and would see that I was always right. 

Then I was always feeling as if something was happening. so I would always think the negative. 

which in that instance was always true.. 

but after 2 years of doing so. it has taken its toll on me.. 

and I still do so. 

when I am talking or getting to know someone

i automatically start seeing what he could be doing wrong

which is horrible.. and I absolutely hate. 

but I have found that the only way to stop that is by them showing me I am wrong. 

I feel stupid yes.. but I think it is the only way to actually gain trust. 

for example. Manolo in many instances proved me wrong.. as I was either thinking or feeling something.. and he would shut my feelings up with out. even knowing he was doing so.. 

That helped me gain trust in him. 

another reason why I am so distrustful is LIES

I don't know why people LIE. even about the dumbest little things.. 

because as much trust as you may be getting for someone.. 

when a lie comes up it is as if all that trust is torn away. 

especially when it is something that doesn't make a difference. 

why lie about something that isn't important.. 

that only adds to me being distrusting. 

Because if your lieing about unimportant things then you'll lie about important things..

NO ? 

idk

as Manolo would say .:VIOLIN PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND:. 

lol

I thought I would put that out there.. 

so that you guys can simply get a better understanding of how I am.. 

and the way I do things

cuz god knows I wouldn't tell  you.. 

so I simply wrote. it

just another things in 

THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME