Friday, April 29, 2011

AM I GOOD ENOUGH ???

AM I GOOD ENOUGH ?  
this is a question that we have all asked ourselves
more then once..

something that we all have in common..
no matter the looks or age or body type..
or how much confidence you can have..
naturally as humans, we seek validation from others
from people outside of ourselves.
to know that we are good..
and that we are there..

and tonight. that is what i ask myself..
am I good enough?

am i good enough son?

am i good enough friend ?

am i good enough boyfriend ?

am i good enough human being?

in my head i have all the answers and all the speeches that i would tell my friends, ex boyfriends.. brother.. if they came to me with these questions..
i already know what i would point out as their strong points.. and why they are crazy for even asking the question..

but why is it that when i ask myself the same question..
i can not come out.. with an answer..

so to a son..
i think i am a good son.. i stand by my mom.. and i listen to her.. help her with her problems.
do things that i think will make her happy..
but then why is it that she is never happy with me..
why is it that she always sees the things that i could be doing...
or what i didnt do right..

to being a good friend..
i mean ilove all my freinds to death i really do
and i think of them as an extended family
as i have stated before..
but am i truly a great friend..
or just somone that is fun to have around?

boyfriend?
idk this question is always one that sticks out in my mind..
something that puzzles me greatly..
i can honestly say that with the exception of 2 of my exs...
all the other ones.. want me back..
they all see what good of a guy i am..
and how well it is that. i treated them..
they see it now.. and they want that back..
they know that not just anyone.. would treat them that way..
but the question is.. why do they see it now..
why not when i was there.. when we were in it..
what did they need to see that everyone else is an ass
that everyone else. just wanted sex..
or a fling.. nothing seriouse.
and then they though oh well jon is there.. he wanted something real.
now im ready..
like why?
and thats why i ask myself am i truly a good boyfriend..
or just a good guy ??

and human being?
i always feel as if there is so much that i can be doing to better.. people..
the world..
but why dont i do it..
am i that self centered ?
or selfish that i cant do it ??

Thursday, April 28, 2011

FRIENDSHIPS FORGOTTEN ?

as many of you know im gay..
and i have my really close gay friends that i call brothers.. that i would do anything for..

and then i have my straight friends.. that literally are like family..
not saying the gay ones arent..
but there are more straight then gay when it comes to this..

well, back to my point..
there are the straight ones.
and no matter what i know that my straight friends will always be there..
that no matter what. no matter the time..
no matter the distance...
they will always be by my side..
and i have always taken comfert in that..
knowing i can turn to them
as a shoulder to cry on.
or a person to laugh with..
or in some cases just sit in my drive way and talk..
they dont judge..
just there
as FRIENDS to listen .

but lately i feel ass if my wall.. my back bone.. is falling apart.

some of my friends are so astranged to the point where we almost never speak.
not saying that i need to speak to them everyday..
but every week atlaest..

not only that .. but some of my straight friends.. are not even friends anymore..
and
as much as i dont show it..
that really does take an affect on me..
and it does make me sad.
as anastasia would say, " jon your always the mediator and ghandi. trying to keep everyone happy nothig ever get you mad"

well guess what i am mad..
im so mad that my back bone. my group of friends is not even there any more..

you guys we have all known each other for so long..
and yes we grow up ..
and yes we change..
and yes people grow apart..
but not us..
we kow each other to well .
we know how we react and how we think
what we are going to say before we even say it..

WE ALL FUCK UP..
NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.. we all make mistakes.

but really honestly sit there and think.. think about everything the past 7 years of  your life..
and what this group has done.. or been there for one another..
and ask yourself if
what your fighting about is really woth losing out on who knows how  many great memories. to come..

i know that some of you are over it.. and over trying..
you feel as if you always have to come out.. and you have to apologize..
but everyone feels that way..
we all always see what we are doing right.. and what everyone is doing wrong..
and not what we are doing.. or want them to do..

idk.. maybe this is it..
but then at the same time...
maybe its just me that isnt ready to accept it..
maybe its me that isnt mature enough or grown enough.. to not have my wall of support..
and that group of friends that i can turn too

maybe i am not ready to let that go..
or to say GOODBYE...

ugh
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME 

to the end of no where

So if any of you know me well enough you guys know that one of the things that I love to do is drive, I love to jump in my car and take off drive to the end of no where, to where ever my mind or gas can take me.

While I drive its when I do most of my great thinkning, and when I'm sad mad or tjoughtfull driving is the only thing that can get me to set everything together.

Now the only problem is what do I do when I can't drive, when my wallet is empty and so is my tank???

So I am sitting here in my room, thinking. Only wishing that I could hop in my car and just drive, get ready because I have. A feeling that the next couple of installments will be random
Thoughfull saf, and all together crazy

But yet again it is just things that add to me
And even more soo they are the things that make up

THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME

knowing when to let go

so one of the hardest things of being human is knowing when to let go of things..
as humans..
we are naturally selfish..
and want things, for ourselves..
not thinking of other people or what it is that they want..

but being selfless is one of the best things.. that one can be..
and ontop of that being able to let go of something.. so that someone else who wants it .. can enjoy it..
is just unheard off.

but everyone.. knows when its time to let something.. go..

and the choice is yours if you will trully do soo..

the crazy life of me 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

WHAT BOTTOMS NEED TO KNOW...

OK ..
bottoms...
you need to do more then just lay there.. trust..
and seriously if you call yourself a bottom atleast be able to take it..
nothing is worse then a person that cant take it..
LMFAO..

play around be.. out of the box.. think of diffrent things..
just how you dont like being inthe same spot all night..
neither do the tops
ride it in diff ways..
do more tricks

STAY SMOOTH.. and CLEAN..

its not alot to ask.

thanks and good bye

THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME

the art of FUCK YOU

ok ..
so today idk why i am feeling so vocal lol
but maybe it is the complete utter lack of sleep
or the fact
that i am just getting tired of evryone and all their BS

so here you go

FUCK YOU ..
umm yeah thats about it..

THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME

so people think your a hoe

ok..
so your ganan sit there and cry.. and complain about how. people think your a hoe..

but yet..
you will post pictures of you naked.. ( nothing showing)
shirt less
and in your underwear atleast once a day.. not even exaggerating..
you sleep with a diff guy ever week..

and your constantly flirting with guys and inviting them over..

really get over yourself..
you obviously have not grown at all..
nor do you plan on it..

and i hate to break it to you.. but umm
YOU KINDA ARE A HOE...

THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME

TRACK RECORD

ok i dont wanna sound concieted.. because i really am not at all ..
but i can honestly say.. i have one of the best track records of anyone that i know..

i have only dated.. really good looking guys..

and i laugh so hard.. when i see people goshing and gaking all over them as if, they are some gods..
when haha been there done that..

all my exs have a special part in my heart...
one that no one can take and that belongs to them and only them ..

they all know that i will do anything for them ..

weither it be
MANAOLO
PRINCESS
SUSPENDER BOY
CHEERBOY 89
OR
STRGHTBTTM

they know who they are.. and that i stand there for em..
but seriously guys you guys look pathetic throwing yourself all over them..

trust if you wanna get with them that aint ganan work..

lol

ok ok
bye for now

THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME

Sunday, April 24, 2011

WHITE PARTY

so for the first year this year i went to the white party..
thanks to my
middle eastern boyfriends..
and it was amazing...

honestly its.. just alot to handle..
very over whelming..

its like a rave meeets PRIDE
on roids..

but i had a blast.. came home at about 9 am and slept all day..

i really want to go with roman... and Jerry and all the guys..
next year but gatta save up that shit is expensive.. lol


THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME

lets catch up where we left off

ok well  I was talking to the guy whom was positive...
and honestly ..
he was amazing..
more then amazing actually
but things just didnt work out..

i think we both knew it.. and felt .. it so thats that..

bye bye.. mr +

after that i have been on a sling of dates.. here and there...
the worst having to be the first date from hell ...
we shall call him mr MESSY..

and that name has never been more fitting.. within the first 20 min i was already very annoyed..
and i couldnt get out of it. because i made the mistake of taking him to a party..
literally why cant people sometimes just be quiet.. no one needs to hear your thoughts..
or your every single input on everything..
for real..
oh and you hit on my bestfriend lol

ZAP
so you know that was nexted.. lol .

There was mr MANLY BOTTOM.
literally the butches bottom i have ever met..
that no goood..
i felt like iw as the bottom he was all buff and shit.

yeah he is a grea t guy..
and super funny and fun..
but nah not my game..

then there is mr CITI BANK ..
he is actaully looking pretty promissing..
so far so good =]

so that is all caught up with the boys..
well not all of em but eh.. the fun ones =]

wow....

wow okay it has been a really long time since i blogged.. i think there is soo much that we need to catch up ... so much that i havent talked about..
havent put out there... so here we go... lets start it all up again

get ready for
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME