FRIENDSHIPS FORGOTTEN ?

as many of you know im gay..
and i have my really close gay friends that i call brothers.. that i would do anything for..

and then i have my straight friends.. that literally are like family..
not saying the gay ones arent..
but there are more straight then gay when it comes to this..

well, back to my point..
there are the straight ones.
and no matter what i know that my straight friends will always be there..
that no matter what. no matter the time..
no matter the distance...
they will always be by my side..
and i have always taken comfert in that..
knowing i can turn to them
as a shoulder to cry on.
or a person to laugh with..
or in some cases just sit in my drive way and talk..
they dont judge..
just there
as FRIENDS to listen .

but lately i feel ass if my wall.. my back bone.. is falling apart.

some of my friends are so astranged to the point where we almost never speak.
not saying that i need to speak to them everyday..
but every week atlaest..

not only that .. but some of my straight friends.. are not even friends anymore..
and
as much as i dont show it..
that really does take an affect on me..
and it does make me sad.
as anastasia would say, " jon your always the mediator and ghandi. trying to keep everyone happy nothig ever get you mad"

well guess what i am mad..
im so mad that my back bone. my group of friends is not even there any more..

you guys we have all known each other for so long..
and yes we grow up ..
and yes we change..
and yes people grow apart..
but not us..
we kow each other to well .
we know how we react and how we think
what we are going to say before we even say it..

WE ALL FUCK UP..
NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.. we all make mistakes.

but really honestly sit there and think.. think about everything the past 7 years of  your life..
and what this group has done.. or been there for one another..
and ask yourself if
what your fighting about is really woth losing out on who knows how  many great memories. to come..

i know that some of you are over it.. and over trying..
you feel as if you always have to come out.. and you have to apologize..
but everyone feels that way..
we all always see what we are doing right.. and what everyone is doing wrong..
and not what we are doing.. or want them to do..

idk.. maybe this is it..
but then at the same time...
maybe its just me that isnt ready to accept it..
maybe its me that isnt mature enough or grown enough.. to not have my wall of support..
and that group of friends that i can turn too

maybe i am not ready to let that go..
or to say GOODBYE...

ugh
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME