Done trying
For the past two days, I have came to the realization that I am completely done trying. In total
There are those people in my life that truly do deserve my efforts and my emotions. While others just simply don't.
I have tried my best with some people and even though I hate To admit defeat it comes to the point where I am no longer going to try....
I am the nice guy. The great guy that everyone says I am. But at this point I am simply and honestly just done trying.
It's time to focus on me =]
Just more craZiness in the life of me
THE CRAZy LIfE OF ME
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
OCTOBER RECAP
October recap
Well since I haven't really blogged in a while and in all hearted honestly I can't remember my life on the day to day basis I will do a complete recap of a month.
October was a crazy month,
To say the least
I made some amaZing new friends and lost some as well.
All in end I believe tht october was great and I did Alot of growing.
Well let's start it off at the beginig...
It started with vonnie living with me and god only knows the craziness that we got into together. Honestly some of the best laughs, and craziness have came out of that friendship lol.
Midnight food runs, Qvc nights and
Just being random.
There was a boy.... And he will actually have his own blog lol cuz there is Alot in my head when it comes to him. Lol
But threw him I met his cousin, who is hilarious and always such a good time. Who is such a sweet heart and my midnight crack head conversation.
I went bar hopping in Weho with the regular beatfriends Gibby and art but ir the first time Bryan and jose came too. Let's just say my credit card melted that night but it was a blast. Bryan for the first time went bar hopping so I jut hope that I made it a memorable one =]
I went to the escape from wonderland, I didn't get in until midnight and after it costing me and arm and a leg. And getting cussed out. Once I got in, it was amazing. The smile on his face when he saw me said it all. And in all honesty all that mattered was that he was having a good time.
Halloween, was just a headache and a half. All day it was as if god was telling me not to go out. My I'd went missing. I still went out had a good time. N then all he'll broke loose. But honestly it was good.
Friends that I believed to have been close too, and whom I believed to be dear friends came out to be nothing of the sort. I think I did some growing up in that sence.
And that was simply October....
THE CRAZY LIfE OF ME
Well since I haven't really blogged in a while and in all hearted honestly I can't remember my life on the day to day basis I will do a complete recap of a month.
October was a crazy month,
To say the least
I made some amaZing new friends and lost some as well.
All in end I believe tht october was great and I did Alot of growing.
Well let's start it off at the beginig...
It started with vonnie living with me and god only knows the craziness that we got into together. Honestly some of the best laughs, and craziness have came out of that friendship lol.
Midnight food runs, Qvc nights and
Just being random.
There was a boy.... And he will actually have his own blog lol cuz there is Alot in my head when it comes to him. Lol
But threw him I met his cousin, who is hilarious and always such a good time. Who is such a sweet heart and my midnight crack head conversation.
I went bar hopping in Weho with the regular beatfriends Gibby and art but ir the first time Bryan and jose came too. Let's just say my credit card melted that night but it was a blast. Bryan for the first time went bar hopping so I jut hope that I made it a memorable one =]
I went to the escape from wonderland, I didn't get in until midnight and after it costing me and arm and a leg. And getting cussed out. Once I got in, it was amazing. The smile on his face when he saw me said it all. And in all honesty all that mattered was that he was having a good time.
Halloween, was just a headache and a half. All day it was as if god was telling me not to go out. My I'd went missing. I still went out had a good time. N then all he'll broke loose. But honestly it was good.
Friends that I believed to have been close too, and whom I believed to be dear friends came out to be nothing of the sort. I think I did some growing up in that sence.
And that was simply October....
THE CRAZY LIfE OF ME
BREAKING DAWN
Breaking dawn
No pun intended,
As I sit here on my terrace legs dangling over my back yard. I see the first glimpse of sun light. The first sun rays peaking over the horizon. I can't help but feel a weird bitterness.
I reminisce about the past couple days. The past couple weeks at that, how the holiday season is yet upon us again and how it is "family time".
Thanks giving dinner came and went and I caught myself being there physically. But mentally and emotionally I was all over the place.
How is it that some people have the ability or that we grant them the ability to grab a hold of us. Our hearts,our thoughts and our emotions. And they simply just take control.
I know I know why is it that I am always going threw something when it comes to the significant other.
But in reality I don't know what to think.
In some way all I want to do is run. Just grab my things and run away.
Feel the wind and the rain blow across my face, have the evening shadows turn into day...
What am I here to do ? Who am I to become?
Both questions that everyone asks, and that everyone is puzzled by. Will I ever have the answers ?
Idk just more craziness thrown into the
The Crazy Life Of Me
No pun intended,
As I sit here on my terrace legs dangling over my back yard. I see the first glimpse of sun light. The first sun rays peaking over the horizon. I can't help but feel a weird bitterness.
I reminisce about the past couple days. The past couple weeks at that, how the holiday season is yet upon us again and how it is "family time".
Thanks giving dinner came and went and I caught myself being there physically. But mentally and emotionally I was all over the place.
How is it that some people have the ability or that we grant them the ability to grab a hold of us. Our hearts,our thoughts and our emotions. And they simply just take control.
I know I know why is it that I am always going threw something when it comes to the significant other.
But in reality I don't know what to think.
In some way all I want to do is run. Just grab my things and run away.
Feel the wind and the rain blow across my face, have the evening shadows turn into day...
What am I here to do ? Who am I to become?
Both questions that everyone asks, and that everyone is puzzled by. Will I ever have the answers ?
Idk just more craziness thrown into the
The Crazy Life Of Me
IM BACK.. Well for the time being at least
As the title says. It is pretty self explanatory.
I'm back for the time being , it has been since august 2cnd that I last blogged, and so I am going to start again.
There has been alot of things that happened. But I can't remember them all, some of the blogs i am going to post are actually pr-written on my iPhones notes that I ment to upload. But never did.
Also something that i have decided is that i am no longer going to be writing everyone as them being anonymous. It's just to much for me to remember people's names, andot get them confused ao from this point on I will use everyone's real name..
Plain and simple...
Just something new in
THE CRAZY LIfE OF ME
I'm back for the time being , it has been since august 2cnd that I last blogged, and so I am going to start again.
There has been alot of things that happened. But I can't remember them all, some of the blogs i am going to post are actually pr-written on my iPhones notes that I ment to upload. But never did.
Also something that i have decided is that i am no longer going to be writing everyone as them being anonymous. It's just to much for me to remember people's names, andot get them confused ao from this point on I will use everyone's real name..
Plain and simple...
Just something new in
THE CRAZY LIfE OF ME
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
More more and more
Thoughts that run threw my head as I drive out to johns house. Why is it that I am putting up with things that I normally wouldn't put up with lately, my gutt feeling is telling me go just walk away from certain situations but yet I am still there. Why?
I know who i am and I know what it is that I can endure. What it is that i can put up wi th and what I deserve to put up with.
Why am i letting myself fall behind.
Should I believe what it is that I am being told or turn aw ay now?
I am sitting here I n johns apartment as he naps fopr our "night out"
And I Strangly feel oddly comfortable here on the couch. Writing this as I am. I feel as if I am in my room.
I really honestly need to get my shit together.
I need to find a job that is both relaiable and pays good. Even if I get payed what I get payed now but with a lot more hours.
I see my. Focus. Shifting to what it was before and I hadn't realized it until tod ay as I drove over here.
I am starting to put other things before me, and that isn't good at all.
Other things thAt c tossed my mind n the way out is things that are taboo to speak about,and why some people are nosy. Lol
Let's admit it we are all nosy, to some point of another. For instance if I am dating w person or am going over to their place for the first time. And it is their own place I always go to the bathroom. And while in there I look behind their Medicine cabinet, you le arn oat about a person by looking behind. Their medicine cabinet.
Idk it is just a using of mine lol . Just how if you look inside a girls purse you will find out what type of girl she is. Same principal.
I hope that you guys are having a great d ay and are being s age I will probably be adding something in later tonight once I. Go threw my drunken adventures =]
Goodnight... Be safe ...
Cuz it is just more that adds up to
tHE cRAZY LiFE oF mE
I know who i am and I know what it is that I can endure. What it is that i can put up wi th and what I deserve to put up with.
Why am i letting myself fall behind.
Should I believe what it is that I am being told or turn aw ay now?
I am sitting here I n johns apartment as he naps fopr our "night out"
And I Strangly feel oddly comfortable here on the couch. Writing this as I am. I feel as if I am in my room.
I really honestly need to get my shit together.
I need to find a job that is both relaiable and pays good. Even if I get payed what I get payed now but with a lot more hours.
I see my. Focus. Shifting to what it was before and I hadn't realized it until tod ay as I drove over here.
I am starting to put other things before me, and that isn't good at all.
Other things thAt c tossed my mind n the way out is things that are taboo to speak about,and why some people are nosy. Lol
Let's admit it we are all nosy, to some point of another. For instance if I am dating w person or am going over to their place for the first time. And it is their own place I always go to the bathroom. And while in there I look behind their Medicine cabinet, you le arn oat about a person by looking behind. Their medicine cabinet.
Idk it is just a using of mine lol . Just how if you look inside a girls purse you will find out what type of girl she is. Same principal.
I hope that you guys are having a great d ay and are being s age I will probably be adding something in later tonight once I. Go threw my drunken adventures =]
Goodnight... Be safe ...
Cuz it is just more that adds up to
tHE cRAZY LiFE oF mE
Monday, July 18, 2011
Best thoughts
So why is it that the best thoughts always come to mind in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep but yu and you start playing random music
And what is it about music and being able to trigger memories and emotions being able to make ho happy and at the same time bring you pain?
Well I am sitting here in my room thinking about random things and random people,
And for some reason i miss mr sonics =\ lol
And what is it about music and being able to trigger memories and emotions being able to make ho happy and at the same time bring you pain?
Well I am sitting here in my room thinking about random things and random people,
And for some reason i miss mr sonics =\ lol
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
love letter ... unread
i dont know why you do this to yourself..
why do you keep on letting people treat you this way..
you say you change.. or that you will change..
you say you stronger but at the same time you aren t
and everyone can see..
people still seeem to use you .
to
get things from you
people think they can walk all over you .
why cant you see it..
what cant you change it.
do you even love yourself ?
why do you keep on letting people treat you this way..
you say you change.. or that you will change..
you say you stronger but at the same time you aren t
and everyone can see..
people still seeem to use you .
to
get things from you
people think they can walk all over you .
why cant you see it..
what cant you change it.
do you even love yourself ?
Saturday, June 11, 2011
the things i think about when i wake up
FAGS...
isnt it funny how when gay guys find someone that gives them even a glimpse of that happiness that they want .
that self worthyness,
the love,
attention.
they wrap their whole lives around that person.
from night to day.. literally. they could meet the night before lol . they are in love. they have found the one. they begin to call each other baby.. every post every tweet every text is about them..
and then when it all comes crashing down on their head they wonder
WHY ?
we were so happy, we were so good, then we started fighting, and everything and now. we are just here.
and i dont like it.. i miss him blah blah blah blah blah..
i think it is pathetic how people do so... why cant you just see how things are going to turn out?
if you fallow the same dating pattern, and you keep meeting people in the same areas. the turn out will be the same.
so why act any diffrent? why expect anything more then what is. ?
how about for a change you actually try meeting the person, hanging out with them .
having conversations. dont go straight to sac and expect it to be yoru life partner..
fags in total ... just amuse me.. they do so much... for something that in reality is nothing.. =]
as i said thoughts of the day . and just another thing that makes it
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
isnt it funny how when gay guys find someone that gives them even a glimpse of that happiness that they want .
that self worthyness,
the love,
attention.
they wrap their whole lives around that person.
from night to day.. literally. they could meet the night before lol . they are in love. they have found the one. they begin to call each other baby.. every post every tweet every text is about them..
and then when it all comes crashing down on their head they wonder
WHY ?
we were so happy, we were so good, then we started fighting, and everything and now. we are just here.
and i dont like it.. i miss him blah blah blah blah blah..
i think it is pathetic how people do so... why cant you just see how things are going to turn out?
if you fallow the same dating pattern, and you keep meeting people in the same areas. the turn out will be the same.
so why act any diffrent? why expect anything more then what is. ?
how about for a change you actually try meeting the person, hanging out with them .
having conversations. dont go straight to sac and expect it to be yoru life partner..
fags in total ... just amuse me.. they do so much... for something that in reality is nothing.. =]
as i said thoughts of the day . and just another thing that makes it
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Friday, June 3, 2011
random thoughts collected in my head
so this past weekend was memorial weekend.
and it was random as all hell ..
i ended up going to vegas witha few friends all last minute..
and i am so happy that i went.
i met some really great peole
got closer to even better people
and over all just had an amazing time .
while i was there the last day i would just think how i already wanted to be home.
how i just wanted to be here.
when in reality
now that i am home.
for the past couple days.
it doesnt feel like home at all .
i feel as if i want to go somewhere.
i want to search for some place. that will feel like home to me .
for the first time vegas felt as a get away.
not just somewhere to go .
as if was escaping .my norm .
but is it weird. that when i am back in my norm i just want to go
back lol ..
ontop of that i dont know what my heart is telling me..
my heart and my mind dont know. what to do with each other lol .
i know who it is that i care for.and who it is that i love.
and at the same time . i also know. who i dont need in my life or around me any more.
but why is it so hard to do what i know i need to do.
i just want to pack my bags up and run away to denver.
but is that really the smartest thing to do ?
is that what i should be doing ?
i have this new job. and dont get me wrong..
its a job.
and i like knowing that at the end o the week i will get a pay check
but i am not excited to go to work every day
and i am only 21.
shouldnt i be excited.
i feel so old for my years.
as if i have done and felt so much.
i cant possibly see what else can happen .
wich at the same time . i know is dumb. because no one
ever knows what it is that could happen to them in
their lives.
i dont kow why i feel as if i need to sit down and talkt to TJ
i call her my mom for a reason
and it is simply because. she can sit there and read me like abook
she can telll me what i need to hear.
not just what i want to .
every time i see her, i just feel at peace. about everything.
and why at the same time .. that i know i am not alone.. that is
exactly how i feel
i feel soooo soo alone .
i think part of it has to do that no one is texting meback . llol
and that never helps my case.. but yeah idk
this is just a post of jiberish that is running threw my head
and just something else that mkes this
the crazy life of me
and it was random as all hell ..
i ended up going to vegas witha few friends all last minute..
and i am so happy that i went.
i met some really great peole
got closer to even better people
and over all just had an amazing time .
while i was there the last day i would just think how i already wanted to be home.
how i just wanted to be here.
when in reality
now that i am home.
for the past couple days.
it doesnt feel like home at all .
i feel as if i want to go somewhere.
i want to search for some place. that will feel like home to me .
for the first time vegas felt as a get away.
not just somewhere to go .
as if was escaping .my norm .
but is it weird. that when i am back in my norm i just want to go
back lol ..
ontop of that i dont know what my heart is telling me..
my heart and my mind dont know. what to do with each other lol .
i know who it is that i care for.and who it is that i love.
and at the same time . i also know. who i dont need in my life or around me any more.
but why is it so hard to do what i know i need to do.
i just want to pack my bags up and run away to denver.
but is that really the smartest thing to do ?
is that what i should be doing ?
i have this new job. and dont get me wrong..
its a job.
and i like knowing that at the end o the week i will get a pay check
but i am not excited to go to work every day
and i am only 21.
shouldnt i be excited.
i feel so old for my years.
as if i have done and felt so much.
i cant possibly see what else can happen .
wich at the same time . i know is dumb. because no one
ever knows what it is that could happen to them in
their lives.
i dont kow why i feel as if i need to sit down and talkt to TJ
i call her my mom for a reason
and it is simply because. she can sit there and read me like abook
she can telll me what i need to hear.
not just what i want to .
every time i see her, i just feel at peace. about everything.
and why at the same time .. that i know i am not alone.. that is
exactly how i feel
i feel soooo soo alone .
i think part of it has to do that no one is texting meback . llol
and that never helps my case.. but yeah idk
this is just a post of jiberish that is running threw my head
and just something else that mkes this
the crazy life of me
THE GOOD GUY
ok i am soo sick and tired of always being the good guy.
i mean i know
it is something that i have prided myself on,
being someone that is sincer
honest
loyal
genuwine.
and thoughtfull
i take care of my friends. and my family. and i make sure that everyone around me is ok.
but at the same time..
i dont want to be known as
JON
the good guy or the nice guy
in the past couple of weeks i have heard that sooo effing much
and in reality it bugs me.
i know that it shouldnt but it does.
there is alot more to me then just the nice guy
that is always taking care of everyone
or doing things for everyone.
idk... i just felt as if i could vent and just let things out in the open ...
i hate the fact that i care so much.. about everyone... sometimes i just wish i could be selfish.
the crazy life of me
i mean i know
it is something that i have prided myself on,
being someone that is sincer
honest
loyal
genuwine.
and thoughtfull
i take care of my friends. and my family. and i make sure that everyone around me is ok.
but at the same time..
i dont want to be known as
JON
the good guy or the nice guy
in the past couple of weeks i have heard that sooo effing much
and in reality it bugs me.
i know that it shouldnt but it does.
there is alot more to me then just the nice guy
that is always taking care of everyone
or doing things for everyone.
idk... i just felt as if i could vent and just let things out in the open ...
i hate the fact that i care so much.. about everyone... sometimes i just wish i could be selfish.
the crazy life of me
Friday, May 20, 2011
inspirational thoughts
No matter what, once in your life, someones gonna hurt you. That someone will take all that you are, and rip it into pieces and they won’t even watch where the pieces land. But through the breakdown, you’ll learn something about yourself. You’ll learn that you’re strong. And no matter how hard they destroy you, that you can conquer anyone.
you must live your life... and know everything that you choose to do.. is because of that..
you choose to do it..
don't just sit there and be a spectator. make your choices and fallow them threw.. do not simply breathe to exist but choose to inhale and exhale..
know that you make the difference to someone.. and that in reality you are never alone...
and know that if you know me..
and are reading this..
that you are loved..
N THAT I LOVE YOU ..
you must live your life... and know everything that you choose to do.. is because of that..
you choose to do it..
don't just sit there and be a spectator. make your choices and fallow them threw.. do not simply breathe to exist but choose to inhale and exhale..
know that you make the difference to someone.. and that in reality you are never alone...
and know that if you know me..
and are reading this..
that you are loved..
N THAT I LOVE YOU ..
Monday, May 16, 2011
THE LIFE I LIVE
after this weekend and everything that has happened..
i have been sitting here.. and thinking of everything..
all that i do ..
all that i don't do..
and really thinking about
THE LIFE THAT I LIVE..
and the changes that i really need to do for that .. I need to change alot.
and from here on out.. the changes are going to come out..
i know that there is always a time .. to change.
to grow up.
and as alot of people can tell you i am mature for my age..
i don't go out and get drunk every weekend.. i don't really even drink at that..
i don't do any drugs.
i don't sleep around..
all my friends would probably describe me as being the NICE GUY..
the one whom is always taking care of everyone..
making sure that everyone else is ok.. and
everyone else.. is having fun...
but i think some changes need to be made
=]
JUST SOMETHING IN
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
i have been sitting here.. and thinking of everything..
all that i do ..
all that i don't do..
and really thinking about
THE LIFE THAT I LIVE..
and the changes that i really need to do for that .. I need to change alot.
and from here on out.. the changes are going to come out..
i know that there is always a time .. to change.
to grow up.
and as alot of people can tell you i am mature for my age..
i don't go out and get drunk every weekend.. i don't really even drink at that..
i don't do any drugs.
i don't sleep around..
all my friends would probably describe me as being the NICE GUY..
the one whom is always taking care of everyone..
making sure that everyone else is ok.. and
everyone else.. is having fun...
but i think some changes need to be made
=]
JUST SOMETHING IN
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Friday, May 6, 2011
CONFESSION
so i am blasting this song right now..
and the first time i heard this song. was because Hailey's comet told me to listen to it..
he told me it reminded him of me.. and reminded him of us...
i thought it would be a good song to put out there for those of you whom haven't heard it..
i believe this song is one that everyone can relate too..
you can always think of someone.. when this song comes on..
i hope you enjoy it..
and on a more person level i think it summarizes how i feel as of right now..
alot of my friends are always giving me shit or picking at me.. that i am always talking or getting to know someone.. going on dates.. so on and so fourth..
my cousin even went as far as to ask me what was wrong with me..
why i felt as if i always needed to be with someone..
why i couldn't be alone.. and just happy.
and this is what i believe..
i can not remember the movie at the moment but i just saw it recently.
where they said
love is a drug.
the strongest drug there is out there..
and you are always looking for your next fix.
i think that is it..
i am perfectly fine being alone..
and just being me..
i love the person that i am and that i have become.
and even though that there is still alot of room
for growth and improvement . i love my life as i stand right now.
but with that said..
i hate being alone.
i like the comfort of knowing that someone is there..
that i can call on someone and they will answer..
just plain and simple..
i am in love
with being in love.
just more that adds to my
crazy mind.. of endless thoughts
and a maze of emotions..
ahhhhhh
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
THE NICE GUY
So why is it..
that it has been a year...
a year since we were together. and i continue. to be there.. i continue to be the nice guy
and be there for him when he needs something..
why i sit that i am stuck being " THE NICE GUY"
there are times that i just wanna be a dick.
i wanna say no.
i wanna be selfish.
but i cant..
why ?
I know that i should stop, i know that i shouldn't be there for him.,
i know that he is still the same person he was a year ago..
but why is it that i know it in my head.. but i cant put it into actions..
i simply don't
just want to be
" THE NICE GUY"
just more that adds into being
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
that it has been a year...
a year since we were together. and i continue. to be there.. i continue to be the nice guy
and be there for him when he needs something..
why i sit that i am stuck being " THE NICE GUY"
there are times that i just wanna be a dick.
i wanna say no.
i wanna be selfish.
but i cant..
why ?
I know that i should stop, i know that i shouldn't be there for him.,
i know that he is still the same person he was a year ago..
but why is it that i know it in my head.. but i cant put it into actions..
i simply don't
just want to be
" THE NICE GUY"
just more that adds into being
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
saying GoodBye...
one of the hardest things, we are faced with doing is saying goodbye..
especially when it is someone whom you love..
a heartbreak is probably the hardest thing that you have to face.. the sight of someone you love just walking away..
now imagine, if it is someone.. closer.. then just someone you love.. but family..
and at that a brother...
your little brother..
and it as if he just got up and walked away.. but taken away from you..
today is my little brother birthday..
to many of you, you simply know him ..
as baby..
today he would have turned 20 years old..
and it just hits..
today for some reason out of all days...
it is one of the hardest one me..
sit here.. and look back at my life..
look at everything..
all my accomplishments.
all my mistakes.
and i just think to myself .
could he have done better.
what would he think..
the thoughts in my head are so many that i simply don't know how to organize them,
how to put them in order so that i can
just walk threw them and deal with them.
my mind is a mess,
when normally i am able to have collected thoughts..
and emotions
today i am running a muck..
not knowing.. where to start.
i know that it is just me being in my head far to much..
but idk... can i help it?
at the end of the day.. its just me..
and
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
especially when it is someone whom you love..
a heartbreak is probably the hardest thing that you have to face.. the sight of someone you love just walking away..
now imagine, if it is someone.. closer.. then just someone you love.. but family..
and at that a brother...
your little brother..
and it as if he just got up and walked away.. but taken away from you..
today is my little brother birthday..
to many of you, you simply know him ..
as baby..
today he would have turned 20 years old..
and it just hits..
today for some reason out of all days...
it is one of the hardest one me..
sit here.. and look back at my life..
look at everything..
all my accomplishments.
all my mistakes.
and i just think to myself .
could he have done better.
what would he think..
the thoughts in my head are so many that i simply don't know how to organize them,
how to put them in order so that i can
just walk threw them and deal with them.
my mind is a mess,
when normally i am able to have collected thoughts..
and emotions
today i am running a muck..
not knowing.. where to start.
i know that it is just me being in my head far to much..
but idk... can i help it?
at the end of the day.. its just me..
and
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Friday, April 29, 2011
AM I GOOD ENOUGH ???
AM I GOOD ENOUGH ?
this is a question that we have all asked ourselves
more then once..
something that we all have in common..
no matter the looks or age or body type..
or how much confidence you can have..
naturally as humans, we seek validation from others
from people outside of ourselves.
to know that we are good..
and that we are there..
and tonight. that is what i ask myself..
am I good enough?
am i good enough son?
am i good enough friend ?
am i good enough boyfriend ?
am i good enough human being?
in my head i have all the answers and all the speeches that i would tell my friends, ex boyfriends.. brother.. if they came to me with these questions..
i already know what i would point out as their strong points.. and why they are crazy for even asking the question..
but why is it that when i ask myself the same question..
i can not come out.. with an answer..
so to a son..
i think i am a good son.. i stand by my mom.. and i listen to her.. help her with her problems.
do things that i think will make her happy..
but then why is it that she is never happy with me..
why is it that she always sees the things that i could be doing...
or what i didnt do right..
to being a good friend..
i mean ilove all my freinds to death i really do
and i think of them as an extended family
as i have stated before..
but am i truly a great friend..
or just somone that is fun to have around?
boyfriend?
idk this question is always one that sticks out in my mind..
something that puzzles me greatly..
i can honestly say that with the exception of 2 of my exs...
all the other ones.. want me back..
they all see what good of a guy i am..
and how well it is that. i treated them..
they see it now.. and they want that back..
they know that not just anyone.. would treat them that way..
but the question is.. why do they see it now..
why not when i was there.. when we were in it..
what did they need to see that everyone else is an ass
that everyone else. just wanted sex..
or a fling.. nothing seriouse.
and then they though oh well jon is there.. he wanted something real.
now im ready..
like why?
and thats why i ask myself am i truly a good boyfriend..
or just a good guy ??
and human being?
i always feel as if there is so much that i can be doing to better.. people..
the world..
but why dont i do it..
am i that self centered ?
or selfish that i cant do it ??
this is a question that we have all asked ourselves
more then once..
something that we all have in common..
no matter the looks or age or body type..
or how much confidence you can have..
naturally as humans, we seek validation from others
from people outside of ourselves.
to know that we are good..
and that we are there..
and tonight. that is what i ask myself..
am I good enough?
am i good enough son?
am i good enough friend ?
am i good enough boyfriend ?
am i good enough human being?
in my head i have all the answers and all the speeches that i would tell my friends, ex boyfriends.. brother.. if they came to me with these questions..
i already know what i would point out as their strong points.. and why they are crazy for even asking the question..
but why is it that when i ask myself the same question..
i can not come out.. with an answer..
so to a son..
i think i am a good son.. i stand by my mom.. and i listen to her.. help her with her problems.
do things that i think will make her happy..
but then why is it that she is never happy with me..
why is it that she always sees the things that i could be doing...
or what i didnt do right..
to being a good friend..
i mean ilove all my freinds to death i really do
and i think of them as an extended family
as i have stated before..
but am i truly a great friend..
or just somone that is fun to have around?
boyfriend?
idk this question is always one that sticks out in my mind..
something that puzzles me greatly..
i can honestly say that with the exception of 2 of my exs...
all the other ones.. want me back..
they all see what good of a guy i am..
and how well it is that. i treated them..
they see it now.. and they want that back..
they know that not just anyone.. would treat them that way..
but the question is.. why do they see it now..
why not when i was there.. when we were in it..
what did they need to see that everyone else is an ass
that everyone else. just wanted sex..
or a fling.. nothing seriouse.
and then they though oh well jon is there.. he wanted something real.
now im ready..
like why?
and thats why i ask myself am i truly a good boyfriend..
or just a good guy ??
and human being?
i always feel as if there is so much that i can be doing to better.. people..
the world..
but why dont i do it..
am i that self centered ?
or selfish that i cant do it ??
Thursday, April 28, 2011
FRIENDSHIPS FORGOTTEN ?
as many of you know im gay..
and i have my really close gay friends that i call brothers.. that i would do anything for..
and then i have my straight friends.. that literally are like family..
not saying the gay ones arent..
but there are more straight then gay when it comes to this..
well, back to my point..
there are the straight ones.
and no matter what i know that my straight friends will always be there..
that no matter what. no matter the time..
no matter the distance...
they will always be by my side..
and i have always taken comfert in that..
knowing i can turn to them
as a shoulder to cry on.
or a person to laugh with..
or in some cases just sit in my drive way and talk..
they dont judge..
just there
as FRIENDS to listen .
but lately i feel ass if my wall.. my back bone.. is falling apart.
some of my friends are so astranged to the point where we almost never speak.
not saying that i need to speak to them everyday..
but every week atlaest..
not only that .. but some of my straight friends.. are not even friends anymore..
and
as much as i dont show it..
that really does take an affect on me..
and it does make me sad.
as anastasia would say, " jon your always the mediator and ghandi. trying to keep everyone happy nothig ever get you mad"
well guess what i am mad..
im so mad that my back bone. my group of friends is not even there any more..
you guys we have all known each other for so long..
and yes we grow up ..
and yes we change..
and yes people grow apart..
but not us..
we kow each other to well .
we know how we react and how we think
what we are going to say before we even say it..
WE ALL FUCK UP..
NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.. we all make mistakes.
but really honestly sit there and think.. think about everything the past 7 years of your life..
and what this group has done.. or been there for one another..
and ask yourself if
what your fighting about is really woth losing out on who knows how many great memories. to come..
i know that some of you are over it.. and over trying..
you feel as if you always have to come out.. and you have to apologize..
but everyone feels that way..
we all always see what we are doing right.. and what everyone is doing wrong..
and not what we are doing.. or want them to do..
idk.. maybe this is it..
but then at the same time...
maybe its just me that isnt ready to accept it..
maybe its me that isnt mature enough or grown enough.. to not have my wall of support..
and that group of friends that i can turn too
maybe i am not ready to let that go..
or to say GOODBYE...
ugh
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
and i have my really close gay friends that i call brothers.. that i would do anything for..
and then i have my straight friends.. that literally are like family..
not saying the gay ones arent..
but there are more straight then gay when it comes to this..
well, back to my point..
there are the straight ones.
and no matter what i know that my straight friends will always be there..
that no matter what. no matter the time..
no matter the distance...
they will always be by my side..
and i have always taken comfert in that..
knowing i can turn to them
as a shoulder to cry on.
or a person to laugh with..
or in some cases just sit in my drive way and talk..
they dont judge..
just there
as FRIENDS to listen .
but lately i feel ass if my wall.. my back bone.. is falling apart.
some of my friends are so astranged to the point where we almost never speak.
not saying that i need to speak to them everyday..
but every week atlaest..
not only that .. but some of my straight friends.. are not even friends anymore..
and
as much as i dont show it..
that really does take an affect on me..
and it does make me sad.
as anastasia would say, " jon your always the mediator and ghandi. trying to keep everyone happy nothig ever get you mad"
well guess what i am mad..
im so mad that my back bone. my group of friends is not even there any more..
you guys we have all known each other for so long..
and yes we grow up ..
and yes we change..
and yes people grow apart..
but not us..
we kow each other to well .
we know how we react and how we think
what we are going to say before we even say it..
WE ALL FUCK UP..
NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.. we all make mistakes.
but really honestly sit there and think.. think about everything the past 7 years of your life..
and what this group has done.. or been there for one another..
and ask yourself if
what your fighting about is really woth losing out on who knows how many great memories. to come..
i know that some of you are over it.. and over trying..
you feel as if you always have to come out.. and you have to apologize..
but everyone feels that way..
we all always see what we are doing right.. and what everyone is doing wrong..
and not what we are doing.. or want them to do..
idk.. maybe this is it..
but then at the same time...
maybe its just me that isnt ready to accept it..
maybe its me that isnt mature enough or grown enough.. to not have my wall of support..
and that group of friends that i can turn too
maybe i am not ready to let that go..
or to say GOODBYE...
ugh
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
to the end of no where
So if any of you know me well enough you guys know that one of the things that I love to do is drive, I love to jump in my car and take off drive to the end of no where, to where ever my mind or gas can take me.
While I drive its when I do most of my great thinkning, and when I'm sad mad or tjoughtfull driving is the only thing that can get me to set everything together.
Now the only problem is what do I do when I can't drive, when my wallet is empty and so is my tank???
So I am sitting here in my room, thinking. Only wishing that I could hop in my car and just drive, get ready because I have. A feeling that the next couple of installments will be random
Thoughfull saf, and all together crazy
But yet again it is just things that add to me
And even more soo they are the things that make up
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
While I drive its when I do most of my great thinkning, and when I'm sad mad or tjoughtfull driving is the only thing that can get me to set everything together.
Now the only problem is what do I do when I can't drive, when my wallet is empty and so is my tank???
So I am sitting here in my room, thinking. Only wishing that I could hop in my car and just drive, get ready because I have. A feeling that the next couple of installments will be random
Thoughfull saf, and all together crazy
But yet again it is just things that add to me
And even more soo they are the things that make up
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
knowing when to let go
so one of the hardest things of being human is knowing when to let go of things..
as humans..
we are naturally selfish..
and want things, for ourselves..
not thinking of other people or what it is that they want..
but being selfless is one of the best things.. that one can be..
and ontop of that being able to let go of something.. so that someone else who wants it .. can enjoy it..
is just unheard off.
but everyone.. knows when its time to let something.. go..
and the choice is yours if you will trully do soo..
the crazy life of me
as humans..
we are naturally selfish..
and want things, for ourselves..
not thinking of other people or what it is that they want..
but being selfless is one of the best things.. that one can be..
and ontop of that being able to let go of something.. so that someone else who wants it .. can enjoy it..
is just unheard off.
but everyone.. knows when its time to let something.. go..
and the choice is yours if you will trully do soo..
the crazy life of me
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
WHAT BOTTOMS NEED TO KNOW...
OK ..
bottoms...
you need to do more then just lay there.. trust..
and seriously if you call yourself a bottom atleast be able to take it..
nothing is worse then a person that cant take it..
LMFAO..
play around be.. out of the box.. think of diffrent things..
just how you dont like being inthe same spot all night..
neither do the tops
ride it in diff ways..
do more tricks
STAY SMOOTH.. and CLEAN..
its not alot to ask.
thanks and good bye
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
bottoms...
you need to do more then just lay there.. trust..
and seriously if you call yourself a bottom atleast be able to take it..
nothing is worse then a person that cant take it..
LMFAO..
play around be.. out of the box.. think of diffrent things..
just how you dont like being inthe same spot all night..
neither do the tops
ride it in diff ways..
do more tricks
STAY SMOOTH.. and CLEAN..
its not alot to ask.
thanks and good bye
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
the art of FUCK YOU
ok ..
so today idk why i am feeling so vocal lol
but maybe it is the complete utter lack of sleep
or the fact
that i am just getting tired of evryone and all their BS
so here you go
FUCK YOU ..
umm yeah thats about it..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
so today idk why i am feeling so vocal lol
but maybe it is the complete utter lack of sleep
or the fact
that i am just getting tired of evryone and all their BS
so here you go
FUCK YOU ..
umm yeah thats about it..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
so people think your a hoe
ok..
so your ganan sit there and cry.. and complain about how. people think your a hoe..
but yet..
you will post pictures of you naked.. ( nothing showing)
shirt less
and in your underwear atleast once a day.. not even exaggerating..
you sleep with a diff guy ever week..
and your constantly flirting with guys and inviting them over..
really get over yourself..
you obviously have not grown at all..
nor do you plan on it..
and i hate to break it to you.. but umm
YOU KINDA ARE A HOE...
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
so your ganan sit there and cry.. and complain about how. people think your a hoe..
but yet..
you will post pictures of you naked.. ( nothing showing)
shirt less
and in your underwear atleast once a day.. not even exaggerating..
you sleep with a diff guy ever week..
and your constantly flirting with guys and inviting them over..
really get over yourself..
you obviously have not grown at all..
nor do you plan on it..
and i hate to break it to you.. but umm
YOU KINDA ARE A HOE...
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
TRACK RECORD
ok i dont wanna sound concieted.. because i really am not at all ..
but i can honestly say.. i have one of the best track records of anyone that i know..
i have only dated.. really good looking guys..
and i laugh so hard.. when i see people goshing and gaking all over them as if, they are some gods..
when haha been there done that..
all my exs have a special part in my heart...
one that no one can take and that belongs to them and only them ..
they all know that i will do anything for them ..
weither it be
MANAOLO
PRINCESS
SUSPENDER BOY
CHEERBOY 89
OR
STRGHTBTTM
they know who they are.. and that i stand there for em..
but seriously guys you guys look pathetic throwing yourself all over them..
trust if you wanna get with them that aint ganan work..
lol
ok ok
bye for now
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
but i can honestly say.. i have one of the best track records of anyone that i know..
i have only dated.. really good looking guys..
and i laugh so hard.. when i see people goshing and gaking all over them as if, they are some gods..
when haha been there done that..
all my exs have a special part in my heart...
one that no one can take and that belongs to them and only them ..
they all know that i will do anything for them ..
weither it be
MANAOLO
PRINCESS
SUSPENDER BOY
CHEERBOY 89
OR
STRGHTBTTM
they know who they are.. and that i stand there for em..
but seriously guys you guys look pathetic throwing yourself all over them..
trust if you wanna get with them that aint ganan work..
lol
ok ok
bye for now
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Sunday, April 24, 2011
WHITE PARTY
so for the first year this year i went to the white party..
thanks to my
middle eastern boyfriends..
and it was amazing...
honestly its.. just alot to handle..
very over whelming..
its like a rave meeets PRIDE
on roids..
but i had a blast.. came home at about 9 am and slept all day..
i really want to go with roman... and Jerry and all the guys..
next year but gatta save up that shit is expensive.. lol
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
thanks to my
middle eastern boyfriends..
and it was amazing...
honestly its.. just alot to handle..
very over whelming..
its like a rave meeets PRIDE
on roids..
but i had a blast.. came home at about 9 am and slept all day..
i really want to go with roman... and Jerry and all the guys..
next year but gatta save up that shit is expensive.. lol
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
lets catch up where we left off
ok well I was talking to the guy whom was positive...
and honestly ..
he was amazing..
more then amazing actually
but things just didnt work out..
i think we both knew it.. and felt .. it so thats that..
bye bye.. mr +
after that i have been on a sling of dates.. here and there...
the worst having to be the first date from hell ...
we shall call him mr MESSY..
and that name has never been more fitting.. within the first 20 min i was already very annoyed..
and i couldnt get out of it. because i made the mistake of taking him to a party..
literally why cant people sometimes just be quiet.. no one needs to hear your thoughts..
or your every single input on everything..
for real..
oh and you hit on my bestfriend lol
ZAP
so you know that was nexted.. lol .
There was mr MANLY BOTTOM.
literally the butches bottom i have ever met..
that no goood..
i felt like iw as the bottom he was all buff and shit.
yeah he is a grea t guy..
and super funny and fun..
but nah not my game..
then there is mr CITI BANK ..
he is actaully looking pretty promissing..
so far so good =]
so that is all caught up with the boys..
well not all of em but eh.. the fun ones =]
and honestly ..
he was amazing..
more then amazing actually
but things just didnt work out..
i think we both knew it.. and felt .. it so thats that..
bye bye.. mr +
after that i have been on a sling of dates.. here and there...
the worst having to be the first date from hell ...
we shall call him mr MESSY..
and that name has never been more fitting.. within the first 20 min i was already very annoyed..
and i couldnt get out of it. because i made the mistake of taking him to a party..
literally why cant people sometimes just be quiet.. no one needs to hear your thoughts..
or your every single input on everything..
for real..
oh and you hit on my bestfriend lol
ZAP
so you know that was nexted.. lol .
There was mr MANLY BOTTOM.
literally the butches bottom i have ever met..
that no goood..
i felt like iw as the bottom he was all buff and shit.
yeah he is a grea t guy..
and super funny and fun..
but nah not my game..
then there is mr CITI BANK ..
he is actaully looking pretty promissing..
so far so good =]
so that is all caught up with the boys..
well not all of em but eh.. the fun ones =]
wow....
wow okay it has been a really long time since i blogged.. i think there is soo much that we need to catch up ... so much that i havent talked about..
havent put out there... so here we go... lets start it all up again
get ready for
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
havent put out there... so here we go... lets start it all up again
get ready for
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Monday, March 28, 2011
FRIENDS...
isnt it funny how some friends. you are super close with..
and then idk outta no where you stop talking..
and then your super close again
and then it just keeps repeating..
idk weird..
the end
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
and then idk outta no where you stop talking..
and then your super close again
and then it just keeps repeating..
idk weird..
the end
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO THINK...
Ok.. so i have been talking to this guy..
and he seems amazing..
he honestly does...
im not ganna name him .because i simply don't want too .
he is doing almost everything right..
and idk i really like spending time with him..
and he drops the bombshell that he is hiv positive.
i had always told myself that i could never be with anyone that was positive.. or i couldn't see myself with someone who was. simply because.. it honestly scares the shit out of me..
i have always been really careful ..
never slept around..
always wore a rubber.. because i ve been so scarred to every catch something..
but at the same time..
ugh idk
its just really i dont know what to do..
i know that with the proper precautions and everything... things will not be a problem.. and that things could go on with out ever having to worry about it..
but if your scarred to get burned why go sit right next to the fire..
you now what i mean.. i just don't know what to do..
just another part of
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
and he seems amazing..
he honestly does...
im not ganna name him .because i simply don't want too .
he is doing almost everything right..
and idk i really like spending time with him..
and he drops the bombshell that he is hiv positive.
i had always told myself that i could never be with anyone that was positive.. or i couldn't see myself with someone who was. simply because.. it honestly scares the shit out of me..
i have always been really careful ..
never slept around..
always wore a rubber.. because i ve been so scarred to every catch something..
but at the same time..
ugh idk
its just really i dont know what to do..
i know that with the proper precautions and everything... things will not be a problem.. and that things could go on with out ever having to worry about it..
but if your scarred to get burned why go sit right next to the fire..
you now what i mean.. i just don't know what to do..
just another part of
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
REAL CHOLAS
OK well i know that i haven't blogged in a while..
so here it goes..
REAL CHOLAS
it turns out that my friends and I have all gotten arrested with in the past.. two weeks..
first Jerry started it.. he was out at circus.. and they arrested him for something that is dumb... lol he was in for a day and then came out.. has court next month.. not to mention that a black man was rubbing up on his ass while he was asleep.
then there is Roman, he went to Beyond Wonderland.. Got arrested for a warrant.. and then got sent to pen .. he was in for 3 days... no food.. sleeping against a wall
watching trannys make thongs and dresses outta sheets..
and wearing socks in the shower. lol .. not to mention he got some digit while he was in there.. cuz even when we are in jail we pull LOL
and now me..
this past weekend.. i went out with
Jerry. my cousin Carlos. Tb .. we went out and it was a great time
i met up with Oh La LA , Valentino .. boiifriend.. and others.
MR. IKEA i guy that i used to talk too was also in WeHo so we said we would meet up to say Hi. since we hadn't seen each other in about a month.
So we were at motherlode. i told my friends that i would go to FIesta Cantina, to say hi.. i walked out there nd said hi to him. he told me he was going home. so i told him i would walk him to his car..
i did .
then on the way we end up getting in a fight..
cops pull up and arrest all of us. and keep us in the holding cell for about n hour and half.
then release Mr. Ikea and myself..
we are all just real CHOLAS now
just another part of
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
so here it goes..
REAL CHOLAS
it turns out that my friends and I have all gotten arrested with in the past.. two weeks..
first Jerry started it.. he was out at circus.. and they arrested him for something that is dumb... lol he was in for a day and then came out.. has court next month.. not to mention that a black man was rubbing up on his ass while he was asleep.
then there is Roman, he went to Beyond Wonderland.. Got arrested for a warrant.. and then got sent to pen .. he was in for 3 days... no food.. sleeping against a wall
watching trannys make thongs and dresses outta sheets..
and wearing socks in the shower. lol .. not to mention he got some digit while he was in there.. cuz even when we are in jail we pull LOL
and now me..
this past weekend.. i went out with
Jerry. my cousin Carlos. Tb .. we went out and it was a great time
i met up with Oh La LA , Valentino .. boiifriend.. and others.
MR. IKEA i guy that i used to talk too was also in WeHo so we said we would meet up to say Hi. since we hadn't seen each other in about a month.
So we were at motherlode. i told my friends that i would go to FIesta Cantina, to say hi.. i walked out there nd said hi to him. he told me he was going home. so i told him i would walk him to his car..
i did .
then on the way we end up getting in a fight..
cops pull up and arrest all of us. and keep us in the holding cell for about n hour and half.
then release Mr. Ikea and myself..
we are all just real CHOLAS now
just another part of
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Remebering Kirby
OK .. so when Anastasia and I were younger..
and no we DID NOT .
we were both onto all those get rich quick plans..
lol
we were willing to try anything..
and i mean anything if it meant.. getting money ..
so at the time.. our friend. Beverly Leslie
had a boyfriend. that got this job.
were supposedly he was making all this money a week.
so Ana and i though to our self.. why not.
we go
they interview us..
then they call both of us back.
so we are all excited.
they say we must go threw a three day training before being able to
start working.
so Ana and i Get all excited for our first day. we dress up we are ready to go.
of course we excelled in the training. and were possibly the best two in the class.
the Name of the company was Kirby ( yes like the pink video game)
but as many of you may know it is Kirby Vacuums
The Kirby Sentra to be exact.
so they make us.. memories all these things
like how the wheels are rubber coated to protect your tile and hard wood floor.
how the body is made from dye cast aluminum so it is both light weight and durable.
the hoses are made up of the same thing scuba suits are made out of so that they are durable and flexible and will stand the test of time.
the fan blades are made of the same material as airplane purpler so that no matter what you suck up .. from a grain of rice to penny nothing can damage your KIRBY.
no only is is a vacuum but it is a pet groomer, plumers helper, leaf blower, balloon inflater, carpet cleaner, mattress cleaner, can cleaner and many many many more.. and how could you possibly have ever lived with out .. the KIRBY SENTRA
They tell us that the office will then schedule us app. and that we simply need to go and demonstrate how to use the device..
and if they chose to buy it after wards we get the amount of money specified..
sounds simple enough.
so we get threw training..
and its our first day.
as always we are running late.
we get there..
we get into our group..
there is this huge speech in the morning of people clapping and stuff.
and we go.
out team was of 6 ppl
so we are set to go.
we stop at the gas station and ANA and I are both hungry but Rather just get food later on.
we got a bag of chips to share and some sodas.
then we notice that everyone else on our team are stocking up for the Apocalypse.
buying sandwiches and multiple sodas and drinks and huge bag of chips
cookies so on and so fourth .
so we get to out "location"
off we go..
and that's it
they just drop us off..
I'm sorry if this offends anyone.. but
it was like a van full of Mexicans being dropped off in the field to pick fruit all day.
we walked for hours on end..
and no we DID NOT . have appointments.
we were knocking door to door. to see if anyone wanted to see a demonstration
and if they did we would do the whole routine to hear a NO.
or NOT RIGHT NOW.
all day with no eating.
we left the office. at 8 Am and did Not return until 11 PM.
safe to say it was our first and last day working for KIRBY..
and from then on.
our get rich quick plans.. just simply stopped...
ahhh the wonders of the KIRBY SENTRA
Monday, March 14, 2011
this one is for Anastasia
So me and Ana are speaking to each other right now
and she is bored at work
sit atleast bitch has a job lol
so i found this video for her
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vecYnbyFIw
you better go watch it hoe
and she is bored at work
sit atleast bitch has a job lol
so i found this video for her
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vecYnbyFIw
you better go watch it hoe
thoughts about PRINCESS
So as you guys know..
Princess and I started hanging out again
i mean at the begining we both said it would be friends..
but i mean idk its hard you know.
we were together for such a long time..
and it is hard for both of us..
at times we both want to jump in it..
act like we used too.. and just be princess and jon again..
but at the same time we are both holding back..
we start to be normal and then you can clearly see where we stop ..
as if we are both testing the waters with each other..
at the same time. i feel as if certain things dont change..
i see him make n effort..
and then i dont..
is it to much to ask ?
i dont mean that sarcastically..
just i mean. if you say your ganna do something then do it .... right ? =/
i mean princess is the one that showed me that..
idk.
anastasia tells me to pull back and not do anything els.e.
but i men i dont know
that is simply what sums everything up in a nut shell..
I DONT KNOW
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Princess and I started hanging out again
i mean at the begining we both said it would be friends..
but i mean idk its hard you know.
we were together for such a long time..
and it is hard for both of us..
at times we both want to jump in it..
act like we used too.. and just be princess and jon again..
but at the same time we are both holding back..
we start to be normal and then you can clearly see where we stop ..
as if we are both testing the waters with each other..
at the same time. i feel as if certain things dont change..
i see him make n effort..
and then i dont..
is it to much to ask ?
i dont mean that sarcastically..
just i mean. if you say your ganna do something then do it .... right ? =/
i mean princess is the one that showed me that..
idk.
anastasia tells me to pull back and not do anything els.e.
but i men i dont know
that is simply what sums everything up in a nut shell..
I DONT KNOW
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
GAME OVER YOU LOOSE
Do you remember when you were younger and you would go to the arcade.
you would play and hope that "GAME OVER" would never come out on the screen
so that you could just play for ever..
And when you it did come up .. your heart kinda sank but you would just pull out another quarter and play again and the excitement would all simply come back..
that is my analogy for dating..
you start with some one.. it is exciting.. everything is new.. new players.. new everything.. and you dread the day that "GAME OVER" will come out on the screen.. but you know that eventually it will ...
and when it does..
no matter how long or short the dating took place.. you are sad.. even for a bit.
and then you just simply pull out a new quarter and do it all over again..
but what happens.. if you haven't lost..
if "GAME OVER" hasn't came out on the screen...
that is whats happening right now..
you thought you could play two games. at once..
you thought i wouldn't find out..
but to late buddy
your quarter might still be in play
but its not GAME OVER..
I'm pulling the plug.
LIGHTS OUT...
GAME OVER YOU LOOSE...
but then at the same time..
as you have said
you dont see why i should be worried...
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
you would play and hope that "GAME OVER" would never come out on the screen
so that you could just play for ever..
And when you it did come up .. your heart kinda sank but you would just pull out another quarter and play again and the excitement would all simply come back..
that is my analogy for dating..
you start with some one.. it is exciting.. everything is new.. new players.. new everything.. and you dread the day that "GAME OVER" will come out on the screen.. but you know that eventually it will ...
and when it does..
no matter how long or short the dating took place.. you are sad.. even for a bit.
and then you just simply pull out a new quarter and do it all over again..
but what happens.. if you haven't lost..
if "GAME OVER" hasn't came out on the screen...
that is whats happening right now..
you thought you could play two games. at once..
you thought i wouldn't find out..
but to late buddy
your quarter might still be in play
but its not GAME OVER..
I'm pulling the plug.
LIGHTS OUT...
GAME OVER YOU LOOSE...
but then at the same time..
as you have said
you dont see why i should be worried...
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
SUNDAY
So it was sunday yesterday the day after the wedding..
Jerry went home as he spent the night.
I woke up and got ready..
then I text Manny to see what Saul and her where doing..
they tell me they were cooking and to go over so I said ok.
I call jerry .. and tell him for us to go.. and he says hes already on his way..
so we go..
we eat
we laugh
we make fun of some people and i end up leaving.
on my way home.. i run out of gas wich has never happened to me.. at alll..
seriously..
i was like WTF..
but Roxie came and saved the night.. thank you bestfriend..
in total was an amazing day..
just what i needed
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Jerry went home as he spent the night.
I woke up and got ready..
then I text Manny to see what Saul and her where doing..
they tell me they were cooking and to go over so I said ok.
I call jerry .. and tell him for us to go.. and he says hes already on his way..
so we go..
we eat
we laugh
we make fun of some people and i end up leaving.
on my way home.. i run out of gas wich has never happened to me.. at alll..
seriously..
i was like WTF..
but Roxie came and saved the night.. thank you bestfriend..
in total was an amazing day..
just what i needed
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
THE WEDDING
So my friends. wedding was this saturday..
Roman was the made of Honor
Sarah a just a normal made LMAO..
i show up at 11 am start doing her make up she comes out gorge..
then she gets ready..
everything hectic at the beginging.. as always with any event..
then the reception started
every one including chikita walked down the isle..
FOOD WAS BOMB.. seriously I WAS EATING THE WHOLE NIGHT..
music was good..
shots and drinks with everyone.. always makes it a good night
Sarahs black bf.. was dancing by himself in a corner.. LOL
that made it better =]
over all it was an amazing night.
the bride looked amazing.
and idk im happy to have been a part of their day.. =]
Roman was the made of Honor
Sarah a just a normal made LMAO..
i show up at 11 am start doing her make up she comes out gorge..
then she gets ready..
everything hectic at the beginging.. as always with any event..
then the reception started
every one including chikita walked down the isle..
FOOD WAS BOMB.. seriously I WAS EATING THE WHOLE NIGHT..
music was good..
shots and drinks with everyone.. always makes it a good night
Sarahs black bf.. was dancing by himself in a corner.. LOL
that made it better =]
over all it was an amazing night.
the bride looked amazing.
and idk im happy to have been a part of their day.. =]
Sunday, March 13, 2011
JERRY GETS ARRESTED
Ok
well like i said before. Jerry is one whom loves his alchol
and when he drinks he turn into a diffrent person
so he went out last night with a few friends..
and
he got drunk. then got a little to touchy with people. wich for him is normal
he always hits on girls end up making out with them..
touching them..
and so on and so fourth.
but this time it was such a bad move..
a bad . person..
so it was some black girl and
so he again started being the same old jerry
her friend end up getting mad and trying..
and trying to fight jerry
my other two friends.. that he went with..
ended up backing up jerry
it ended up being this big oh drama..
and the cops showed. up
the girl ended up pressing chargers on jerry.
and then he went to jail..
the chargers are sexual batery.
and
so he was in jail all night
and court date is set for april
his sister bailed him out for 20,000 and now he is out.. but yet.. something happened.
something that just adds to
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
well like i said before. Jerry is one whom loves his alchol
and when he drinks he turn into a diffrent person
so he went out last night with a few friends..
and
he got drunk. then got a little to touchy with people. wich for him is normal
he always hits on girls end up making out with them..
touching them..
and so on and so fourth.
but this time it was such a bad move..
a bad . person..
so it was some black girl and
so he again started being the same old jerry
her friend end up getting mad and trying..
and trying to fight jerry
my other two friends.. that he went with..
ended up backing up jerry
it ended up being this big oh drama..
and the cops showed. up
the girl ended up pressing chargers on jerry.
and then he went to jail..
the chargers are sexual batery.
and
so he was in jail all night
and court date is set for april
his sister bailed him out for 20,000 and now he is out.. but yet.. something happened.
something that just adds to
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Friday, March 11, 2011
Jason jason jason jason
Why is Jason so damn angry..
like seriously
he is either yelling at me
calling me catty or calling me fake..
ugh Jason
and the conversation just started lol
i still love em though..
i wouldnt trade em for anything..
the crazy life of me
like seriously
he is either yelling at me
calling me catty or calling me fake..
ugh Jason
and the conversation just started lol
i still love em though..
i wouldnt trade em for anything..
the crazy life of me
Thursday, March 10, 2011
VIDEO VIDEO VIDEO
Thoughts so you know.. are about Princess.
about Manolo.
life.. and just all types
of different things.
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
MY MOM CAUGHT ROMAN HAVING SEX
ok well she didnt walk in
but she knew what was going on lol ..
after mardi gras
roman and i came home..
and he had a boy come over..
no no no
he is not a hoe..
but still its and ex that they are starting to re keendle the fire..
so the boy comes over.
and i go to sleep in my room
roman and his boy go to Romans room...
the next morning..
my mom starts yelling at me..
and she asks me who was in the room with Roman .. lol
oh well ROMAN..
you got CAUGHT
bestfriend.. lol
just another thing in
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
but she knew what was going on lol ..
after mardi gras
roman and i came home..
and he had a boy come over..
no no no
he is not a hoe..
but still its and ex that they are starting to re keendle the fire..
so the boy comes over.
and i go to sleep in my room
roman and his boy go to Romans room...
the next morning..
my mom starts yelling at me..
and she asks me who was in the room with Roman .. lol
oh well ROMAN..
you got CAUGHT
bestfriend.. lol
just another thing in
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
A LETTER TO PRINCESSS
There are a million things that come to my head when i think of you ..
and even more memories..
but i want to start this off by saying I AM SORRY.
In our relationship..
alot of shit went down..
but i want to apologize for always putting you first..
i know that sounds weird to say.. but its true.
i didnt take care of me and was always catering to you... and in tell i let myself goo
and became un happy.. which just brought on more stress..
im sorry for not taking the time to actually forgive you ..
and just being selfish and pushing it all to the back ..
bottling it.. up and then later throwing it in your face
because in all honesty you didnt deserve that..
i am sorry for not listening to you.. when you would tell me that you needed something..
and i dont mean a glass of water.. or something..
but when you truly needed something..
always thinking i knew best..
im sorry for going along for the ride..
not putting my foot down. and establishing.. a set rules and space..
i know that it all sounds prettty stupid..
and i know it proably now doesnt matter.
but i dont know why .
i just felt as if it was importatnt to apologize..
because i now see how things were actually wrong..
you were right when you used to tell me that i would never admit to my problems..
and for that i am also sorry
and now i see that..
today. i read threw all of our old emails and messages..
and i saw something.. that at the time.. i never saw..
i know that you really did honestly love me..
and that i have never doubted..
i know that there were things that you couldnt control.
and i saw how much it was that i loved you..
i also saw you fighting for space..
fightind screaming for me to hear. you..
and i didnt..
I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT!!!!
i dont know.. where things are right now..
and honestly i dont care. lol
i like the fact that your in my life..
and im ganan enjoy it.. and enjoy our time together..
but i want you to know..
the promises i made you are still true....
and i honestly do still love you ....
=/
and i want to say thank you ....
thank you for leaving me when you did..
in all honesty it was the best thing you could have done.at the time..
i had lost myself..
and now i found ME.. just as you have found YOU
i have grown alot in this past year..
and have done alot..
im not the same boy that you dated..
but being there..
seeing you ..
and just in total the past 48 hours
have sent a whirl wind threw my head..
i just want you to know
I LOVE YOU as i always have
IM PROUD OF YOU ..
IM SORRY
and
THANK YOU..
and holding you.. and things.. idk it just felt right..
you will always feel soo small to me..
and you know what i mean by that..
and with you i still feel like super man
you have this ability to bring out the best in me..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
and even more memories..
but i want to start this off by saying I AM SORRY.
In our relationship..
alot of shit went down..
but i want to apologize for always putting you first..
i know that sounds weird to say.. but its true.
i didnt take care of me and was always catering to you... and in tell i let myself goo
and became un happy.. which just brought on more stress..
im sorry for not taking the time to actually forgive you ..
and just being selfish and pushing it all to the back ..
bottling it.. up and then later throwing it in your face
because in all honesty you didnt deserve that..
i am sorry for not listening to you.. when you would tell me that you needed something..
and i dont mean a glass of water.. or something..
but when you truly needed something..
always thinking i knew best..
im sorry for going along for the ride..
not putting my foot down. and establishing.. a set rules and space..
i know that it all sounds prettty stupid..
and i know it proably now doesnt matter.
but i dont know why .
i just felt as if it was importatnt to apologize..
because i now see how things were actually wrong..
you were right when you used to tell me that i would never admit to my problems..
and for that i am also sorry
and now i see that..
today. i read threw all of our old emails and messages..
and i saw something.. that at the time.. i never saw..
i know that you really did honestly love me..
and that i have never doubted..
i know that there were things that you couldnt control.
and i saw how much it was that i loved you..
i also saw you fighting for space..
fightind screaming for me to hear. you..
and i didnt..
I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT!!!!
i dont know.. where things are right now..
and honestly i dont care. lol
i like the fact that your in my life..
and im ganan enjoy it.. and enjoy our time together..
but i want you to know..
the promises i made you are still true....
and i honestly do still love you ....
=/
and i want to say thank you ....
thank you for leaving me when you did..
in all honesty it was the best thing you could have done.at the time..
i had lost myself..
and now i found ME.. just as you have found YOU
i have grown alot in this past year..
and have done alot..
im not the same boy that you dated..
but being there..
seeing you ..
and just in total the past 48 hours
have sent a whirl wind threw my head..
i just want you to know
I LOVE YOU as i always have
IM PROUD OF YOU ..
IM SORRY
and
THANK YOU..
and holding you.. and things.. idk it just felt right..
you will always feel soo small to me..
and you know what i mean by that..
and with you i still feel like super man
you have this ability to bring out the best in me..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Mardi Gra
last night was mardi gra in WEHO
and you know if there is a theme party..
glitter
music
booze
the gays are sure to flock lol
so of course we all went
jerry
roman
myself and
TB (thug bottom )
out there we met up with
other friends..
and really did just enhoy ourself
as always ROMAN and I went of into our BAR HOPPING extraveganzas lol
and was just an amazing time...
=]
Jerry getting kicked out of trunks
Roman making out with random strangers...
TB just being a mess.
idk it felt like a full night lol
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
and you know if there is a theme party..
glitter
music
booze
the gays are sure to flock lol
so of course we all went
jerry
roman
myself and
TB (thug bottom )
out there we met up with
other friends..
and really did just enhoy ourself
as always ROMAN and I went of into our BAR HOPPING extraveganzas lol
and was just an amazing time...
=]
Jerry getting kicked out of trunks
Roman making out with random strangers...
TB just being a mess.
idk it felt like a full night lol
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
A Night of Reconnection
So after my day in valley
Princess asks me to go over..
so i Did..
as we have both been trying to hang out in a while..
i go over and his best friend Pookie is there..
so we are all sitting there talking..
hanging out..
and princess and i seriously start talking and catching up on the past year of your life and what has happened.. since we broke up ..
honestly i think it is something that is much needed..
and idk .. it was good.
i really enjoyed it..
i am really proud of Princess and everything that.he has accomplished this past year..
he is taking the small baby steps to get everything in order. to where it should be so that soon he can just
take off and fly.
i am happy that the promises he made me... he kept..
not for me.. or for us..
but kept them for himself..
because in all honesty that is what i truly did always want..
just the best for him
i think that he is in a very good. place right now..
and is starting to find a peace and happiness with in himself.
Pookie is an amazing friend..
and i m happy that he has dropped all the friends.. that were just pulling him down..
ALL IN ALL I AM HAPPY I WENT...
I know now.. that I will always love princess. and that there is a place for him in my heart that no one.. will ever be able to take.. and that i need to stop trying to hide or deny
and surprisingly...
i no longer hurt for the things that had accrued in the past..
and completely forgive him... and as of right now.. when i think back to them.. dont know why
i held onto the hurt for so long..
i am soo excited to see him become.. the man
that i always saw in him...
the man that i know he can be..
the man that he lost along, the way.
the world better watch out.
thats all i can say...
I LOVE YOU ..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Princess asks me to go over..
so i Did..
as we have both been trying to hang out in a while..
i go over and his best friend Pookie is there..
so we are all sitting there talking..
hanging out..
and princess and i seriously start talking and catching up on the past year of your life and what has happened.. since we broke up ..
honestly i think it is something that is much needed..
and idk .. it was good.
i really enjoyed it..
i am really proud of Princess and everything that.he has accomplished this past year..
he is taking the small baby steps to get everything in order. to where it should be so that soon he can just
take off and fly.
i am happy that the promises he made me... he kept..
not for me.. or for us..
but kept them for himself..
because in all honesty that is what i truly did always want..
just the best for him
i think that he is in a very good. place right now..
and is starting to find a peace and happiness with in himself.
Pookie is an amazing friend..
and i m happy that he has dropped all the friends.. that were just pulling him down..
ALL IN ALL I AM HAPPY I WENT...
I know now.. that I will always love princess. and that there is a place for him in my heart that no one.. will ever be able to take.. and that i need to stop trying to hide or deny
and surprisingly...
i no longer hurt for the things that had accrued in the past..
and completely forgive him... and as of right now.. when i think back to them.. dont know why
i held onto the hurt for so long..
i am soo excited to see him become.. the man
that i always saw in him...
the man that i know he can be..
the man that he lost along, the way.
the world better watch out.
thats all i can say...
I LOVE YOU ..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
MY DAY IN THE VALLEY
so i went to the valley to hang out with Arnold.. and help him out with a few things..
met his little brother.. wich honestly is really cool
(idk why i get along with everyones little brother so much lol )
we then met up with Valentino Number 13
and the BAy..
we ended going to costco for some pizza
those of you that know me.. know that i love food
especially pizza
and more specific costco pizza mmm
so we all sit there
The Bay
Valentino
Number 13
Arnold and myself
The Bay can not go any where near the window.. cuz his ex boyfriend. works there wich at first made everything really uncomfertable..
but soon it turned out to be.. just laughs and Tranny talk lol
we then decied to go back to The Bay's apt to just hang out and watch movies..
youtube videos.. an
idk just be fags..
oh i forgot to mention that The Bay has a built in breathalizer into his car..
so if he is drunk it wont turn on..
i think its the funniest shit in the world lol ..
but idk its just there LMAO ..
wel yeah so over all
i really enjoyed my day in the valley.. soemthing completely new..
but well recieved..
the guys are amazing..
and idk it was good
=]
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
met his little brother.. wich honestly is really cool
(idk why i get along with everyones little brother so much lol )
we then met up with Valentino Number 13
and the BAy..
we ended going to costco for some pizza
those of you that know me.. know that i love food
especially pizza
and more specific costco pizza mmm
so we all sit there
The Bay
Valentino
Number 13
Arnold and myself
The Bay can not go any where near the window.. cuz his ex boyfriend. works there wich at first made everything really uncomfertable..
but soon it turned out to be.. just laughs and Tranny talk lol
we then decied to go back to The Bay's apt to just hang out and watch movies..
youtube videos.. an
idk just be fags..
oh i forgot to mention that The Bay has a built in breathalizer into his car..
so if he is drunk it wont turn on..
i think its the funniest shit in the world lol ..
but idk its just there LMAO ..
wel yeah so over all
i really enjoyed my day in the valley.. soemthing completely new..
but well recieved..
the guys are amazing..
and idk it was good
=]
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
MEET PRINCESS
Princess.
is princess.
as before i described how i was married pretty much with my ex boyfriend.
and all the things that happened with in
our relationship
both negative and positive..
that made somethings.. idk just diffrent.
as the life experiences we live. alter the rest of our lives.
to me Princess.. will always be my LOVE..
i will not say that princess was my first love.. because i believe to have loves. before.
but he is my first true love..
the first guy i gave my whole soul too ...
and no one ever can compare to princess.
i want to make sure i intoduce him properly... because i think he is ganna be playng an important role..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
is princess.
as before i described how i was married pretty much with my ex boyfriend.
and all the things that happened with in
our relationship
both negative and positive..
that made somethings.. idk just diffrent.
as the life experiences we live. alter the rest of our lives.
to me Princess.. will always be my LOVE..
i will not say that princess was my first love.. because i believe to have loves. before.
but he is my first true love..
the first guy i gave my whole soul too ...
and no one ever can compare to princess.
i want to make sure i intoduce him properly... because i think he is ganna be playng an important role..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Saturday, March 5, 2011
THIS ONE IS TO THE FRIENDS
In this blog post i am going to use everyone real names..
simply because i think this one is important..
so here we go
In No particular Order
Ashley, mamma you don't know how much it is that i love you and that i miss you . I am so proud of you for doing what you have, and raising my nephew on your own.. finding away to make it threw what ever obstacles come your way.
Jlynn, wow.. thats all i have to say.. yeah we get into it.. yeah. you scream at me.. yeah i scream at you. but honestly Jay i fucken love you . oh sooo much.. seriously.. i do.. you just get me. and you know what im thinking before. i am even thinking it.. some of the words of advice that you have given me still stick to me till this day.. you have seen me threw some really shitty times.. and idk.. i thank god that i have you by myside.
Elithabeth.. BITCH BITCH BITCH. your my BITCH. i think out of everyone you and I bump heads the most and i know that you are always looking out for me.. and always trying to watch my back.. i know that out of everyone.. i can call you no matter. what and that you will be there.. I AM SOO SORRY. for shit that has happened in the past and you know that i mean .. you have one of the sweetest hearts i think i have ever... seen .. I am so glad that you have found your Knight IN Shinning EMT uniform lol .. honestly cuz babe you deserve all the happiness in the world.. you really do. you know my fagget ass is ganna be there every step of the way.. bumps and all .
Louren... BABE i admire your strength sooo much.. i know that things havent been easy.. not just lately but for a while.. but you always seem so strong.. and i admire that so much.. you have this light to yo.. that is indescribable.. you just simply make me happy.. just by sitting with me in my garage.. i miss you soo much and hate how we havent been the same.. but i know you married . now.. i am happy you have B .. he grounds you.. and idk its a good thing.. i can see the love that is between both of you ..
MR AMARO. .. well gibby what can i say about.. your my soul sister lol ..
i know that we fight.. especially when your drunk.. but in all honesty.. your my brother..
you lived with me.. our conversations in the green room.. the fagalow hills.. walking the strip together when i think of you.. i just think of all these happy memories.. i am so thank full that i have been able to live them with you and so much more to go.. I HONESTLY LOVE YOU ... and when with you .. laughing is a must..
GIA PIA.... your more then just my daughter... your idk .. AMAZING...
alot of people dont know you as well as i do.. and its so sad.. people just see jorge.. the alki that is loud. dancing and making friends at a club..
but alot of people dont see Jorge the bestfriend..
the guy that drives in the middle of the night so i can sleep
the one that is there to calm me down.. when im about to loose it.
the guy that sits there.. and talks to me.. about real shit.. real talks..
JESSICA CARMEN ZUNO...
your one for the books.
you ambition , drive and strive for excellence is honorable..
it like your the youngest ..
but surpass all of us.. with sheer hunger to succeed.
but babe you need to slow down and enjoy today.. stop living in tomorrow..
your amazing.. with an amazing personality and an even better heart..
the past couple.. days.. i ve seen a side to you.. that takes me back to a real hard time..
and babe.. it hurts me sooo much to see you there..
because it makes it all so real.. i can feel you pain.
YOU ARE SOO MUCH BETTER THEN THIS..
and im so proud and just idk thankful to always have you in my corner..
like i told you. you have always been my personal cheerleader.. and you have always..
pushed me forward.. for that i am endlessly grateful
April..
I AM AMAZED by you and your family..
the kindness.
honestly i consider you guys family and you know that i would
give the shirt off my back to make sure
that you guys are ok.
words cant describe how much i love you ..
love your mom
your dad
your sister.
stop fucking around with all those dushe bags lol
THE COLOR IS GREEN
ART.. MY LITTLE HUNNI HUNNI BEE..
i love your ass.. you are simply just there .. when i need you and want you and even when i dont. and that is why i love you.
we have made it threw the test of time..
you gibby and I .. idk i think there is something there.. that simply cant be broken..
Alfredo/Melissa ..
BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER..
whether its mission to no where.
endless weho nights
crazy nights in your room
or you busting mission to pick me up ..
i love you brother..
we have both been there for each other..
when i have broken down in tears..
you are just there..
thank you..
im happy for where you are in your lilfe.. and i know that the only direction for you is UP
BRYAN SILVA.. i love your beaner/ shaikra loving ass.
your the kind of friend.. that i dont have to see every day.. or talk to every other.. but when i do see you.. its amazing.. you saw me when i was my happiest..
then saddest and then normal..
and always been there making sure i didnt stay in the hole..
MRS BIANCA.. I AM SOO THANKFUL TO HAVE MET YOU..
you and i have kindred spirits. you are probably the one of the only good things that came out of that shit hole we called a school .. but i would go threw all the bullshit.. and all the attitudes. and everything a million times over.. if i were to know i would come out at the end with such an amazing person in my life as you.. you were there to hold me up when at times.. i felt as if i was too weak to hold myself. up..
you pulled me out of the gutter brushed me up and threw me back into the world and i dont think i can ever express how thankful i am for that..
LA CAPILLA. SEA FOOD PORT... and HAIR SHOWS.. I LOVE YOU
CARLA SEALS.. i dont give a fuck what anyone in the world has to say about you.. babe you DO YOU .. all the time.. and i admire your strength and your individuality .. you are one crazy ass hoe.. but together.. we are a force to be wrecking with.. i dont think i have anything negative to say about you... your home.. is like another home for me.. and with you i fell incredible..
Nani... i dont think anyone.. and i mean anyone. can compare to you.. WHY i dont know.. but in all honesty you on a different level.. we have this ability to be idk.. just amazing.. you bring out the best in me.. i can tell you anything.. and know that.. it stays there.. i know i can not talk to you in months.. but call you needing you and your Right there.. that regardless of your surroundings.. or anyone .. you still have my back.. I LOVE YOU NANI..
I KNOW THAT I DONT TELL YOU GUYS ALL THE TIME.. AND I KNOW I REALLY SHOULD BUT I LOVE ALL OF YOU .. IN YOUR OWN SPECIAL AND UNIQUE WAY. YOU KNOW THAT I AM THERE FOR ALL OF YOU IN YOUR OWN WAY.. AND THAT I WILL ALWAYS HAVE YOU GUYS BACK..
WE ALL ALWAYS SECOND GUESS OURSELF..
BUT PLEASE .. DONT EVER FEEL LIKE YOUR LESS THEN PERFECT.
OR NOTHING.
CUZ TO ME YOU ARE ALL PERFECT...
I LOVE YOU
-Jonathan..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
simply because i think this one is important..
so here we go
In No particular Order
Ashley, mamma you don't know how much it is that i love you and that i miss you . I am so proud of you for doing what you have, and raising my nephew on your own.. finding away to make it threw what ever obstacles come your way.
Jlynn, wow.. thats all i have to say.. yeah we get into it.. yeah. you scream at me.. yeah i scream at you. but honestly Jay i fucken love you . oh sooo much.. seriously.. i do.. you just get me. and you know what im thinking before. i am even thinking it.. some of the words of advice that you have given me still stick to me till this day.. you have seen me threw some really shitty times.. and idk.. i thank god that i have you by myside.
Elithabeth.. BITCH BITCH BITCH. your my BITCH. i think out of everyone you and I bump heads the most and i know that you are always looking out for me.. and always trying to watch my back.. i know that out of everyone.. i can call you no matter. what and that you will be there.. I AM SOO SORRY. for shit that has happened in the past and you know that i mean .. you have one of the sweetest hearts i think i have ever... seen .. I am so glad that you have found your Knight IN Shinning EMT uniform lol .. honestly cuz babe you deserve all the happiness in the world.. you really do. you know my fagget ass is ganna be there every step of the way.. bumps and all .
Louren... BABE i admire your strength sooo much.. i know that things havent been easy.. not just lately but for a while.. but you always seem so strong.. and i admire that so much.. you have this light to yo.. that is indescribable.. you just simply make me happy.. just by sitting with me in my garage.. i miss you soo much and hate how we havent been the same.. but i know you married . now.. i am happy you have B .. he grounds you.. and idk its a good thing.. i can see the love that is between both of you ..
MR AMARO. .. well gibby what can i say about.. your my soul sister lol ..
i know that we fight.. especially when your drunk.. but in all honesty.. your my brother..
you lived with me.. our conversations in the green room.. the fagalow hills.. walking the strip together when i think of you.. i just think of all these happy memories.. i am so thank full that i have been able to live them with you and so much more to go.. I HONESTLY LOVE YOU ... and when with you .. laughing is a must..
GIA PIA.... your more then just my daughter... your idk .. AMAZING...
alot of people dont know you as well as i do.. and its so sad.. people just see jorge.. the alki that is loud. dancing and making friends at a club..
but alot of people dont see Jorge the bestfriend..
the guy that drives in the middle of the night so i can sleep
the one that is there to calm me down.. when im about to loose it.
the guy that sits there.. and talks to me.. about real shit.. real talks..
JESSICA CARMEN ZUNO...
your one for the books.
you ambition , drive and strive for excellence is honorable..
it like your the youngest ..
but surpass all of us.. with sheer hunger to succeed.
but babe you need to slow down and enjoy today.. stop living in tomorrow..
your amazing.. with an amazing personality and an even better heart..
the past couple.. days.. i ve seen a side to you.. that takes me back to a real hard time..
and babe.. it hurts me sooo much to see you there..
because it makes it all so real.. i can feel you pain.
YOU ARE SOO MUCH BETTER THEN THIS..
and im so proud and just idk thankful to always have you in my corner..
like i told you. you have always been my personal cheerleader.. and you have always..
pushed me forward.. for that i am endlessly grateful
April..
I AM AMAZED by you and your family..
the kindness.
honestly i consider you guys family and you know that i would
give the shirt off my back to make sure
that you guys are ok.
words cant describe how much i love you ..
love your mom
your dad
your sister.
stop fucking around with all those dushe bags lol
THE COLOR IS GREEN
ART.. MY LITTLE HUNNI HUNNI BEE..
i love your ass.. you are simply just there .. when i need you and want you and even when i dont. and that is why i love you.
we have made it threw the test of time..
you gibby and I .. idk i think there is something there.. that simply cant be broken..
Alfredo/Melissa ..
BROTHER FROM ANOTHER MOTHER..
whether its mission to no where.
endless weho nights
crazy nights in your room
or you busting mission to pick me up ..
i love you brother..
we have both been there for each other..
when i have broken down in tears..
you are just there..
thank you..
im happy for where you are in your lilfe.. and i know that the only direction for you is UP
BRYAN SILVA.. i love your beaner/ shaikra loving ass.
your the kind of friend.. that i dont have to see every day.. or talk to every other.. but when i do see you.. its amazing.. you saw me when i was my happiest..
then saddest and then normal..
and always been there making sure i didnt stay in the hole..
MRS BIANCA.. I AM SOO THANKFUL TO HAVE MET YOU..
you and i have kindred spirits. you are probably the one of the only good things that came out of that shit hole we called a school .. but i would go threw all the bullshit.. and all the attitudes. and everything a million times over.. if i were to know i would come out at the end with such an amazing person in my life as you.. you were there to hold me up when at times.. i felt as if i was too weak to hold myself. up..
you pulled me out of the gutter brushed me up and threw me back into the world and i dont think i can ever express how thankful i am for that..
LA CAPILLA. SEA FOOD PORT... and HAIR SHOWS.. I LOVE YOU
CARLA SEALS.. i dont give a fuck what anyone in the world has to say about you.. babe you DO YOU .. all the time.. and i admire your strength and your individuality .. you are one crazy ass hoe.. but together.. we are a force to be wrecking with.. i dont think i have anything negative to say about you... your home.. is like another home for me.. and with you i fell incredible..
Nani... i dont think anyone.. and i mean anyone. can compare to you.. WHY i dont know.. but in all honesty you on a different level.. we have this ability to be idk.. just amazing.. you bring out the best in me.. i can tell you anything.. and know that.. it stays there.. i know i can not talk to you in months.. but call you needing you and your Right there.. that regardless of your surroundings.. or anyone .. you still have my back.. I LOVE YOU NANI..
I KNOW THAT I DONT TELL YOU GUYS ALL THE TIME.. AND I KNOW I REALLY SHOULD BUT I LOVE ALL OF YOU .. IN YOUR OWN SPECIAL AND UNIQUE WAY. YOU KNOW THAT I AM THERE FOR ALL OF YOU IN YOUR OWN WAY.. AND THAT I WILL ALWAYS HAVE YOU GUYS BACK..
WE ALL ALWAYS SECOND GUESS OURSELF..
BUT PLEASE .. DONT EVER FEEL LIKE YOUR LESS THEN PERFECT.
OR NOTHING.
CUZ TO ME YOU ARE ALL PERFECT...
I LOVE YOU
-Jonathan..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Friday, March 4, 2011
Last Night
SO last night i decieded to go to tigerheat last minute
and since
justin and roman were at a fashion show..
i then was shit outta luck
lol
but jerry was still around.
so i get jerry.
a new friend. mathew.
and drive out to pick up
edwin.
we all head out to tigerheat.
we get there..
and we start the line.
pretty soon.
Erik, josh, victor, vincent, and many other show up.
and our group of 4 turns into a group of 12.
as we walk in
Valentino and Number 13 are there
along with boyfriend and OhLALA.
and not to mention
Arnold.
Over all it was a great time and i am happy i did..
filled with dancing laughing.
and
a little fighting but a great night...
another night
in
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
and since
justin and roman were at a fashion show..
i then was shit outta luck
lol
but jerry was still around.
so i get jerry.
a new friend. mathew.
and drive out to pick up
edwin.
we all head out to tigerheat.
we get there..
and we start the line.
pretty soon.
Erik, josh, victor, vincent, and many other show up.
and our group of 4 turns into a group of 12.
as we walk in
Valentino and Number 13 are there
along with boyfriend and OhLALA.
and not to mention
Arnold.
Over all it was a great time and i am happy i did..
filled with dancing laughing.
and
a little fighting but a great night...
another night
in
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
THE POWER OF MUSIC
i think the music is something all of us enjoy
not mattering the genre
or the artist
or the age of the person
everyone enjoys music.
music is s powerful
and can evoke
many things
from feeling. to memories
make you smile, cry or laugh
the power of music is just amazing..
and idk ..
just thought i would put it out there
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
not mattering the genre
or the artist
or the age of the person
everyone enjoys music.
music is s powerful
and can evoke
many things
from feeling. to memories
make you smile, cry or laugh
the power of music is just amazing..
and idk ..
just thought i would put it out there
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
LOVE
LOVE
love is a very controversial subject with alot of people
some people love to love
while other love to hate love.
but which ever side it is that you take
there is something no one can Deny.
YOU WILL EXPERIENCE LOVE IN YOUR LIFETIME.
Some like to say that you can live your life fall in love.. and fall out of love and then just keep going..
But i very strongly disagree
i do not think that you can fall out of love, or that love actually dies.
i Think that love is such a strong feeling, a strong emotion that it completely changes you .. it changes how you act. how you think and the things you do. And because of you that you can never fall out of love.
because the change will always be a part of you .
everyone has their first love. so pure.. so unconditional and so naive
and i think this is the hardest love to let go of.
What i do believe is when you know that the love you are feeling..
is not good.
that the situation you have been putting up with or the circumstances that have arisen are not suitable for you.
that the relationship you are par taking in has become a poison.
that that you must get yourself out of .
that i do believe in ..
but the love that you have for the person
will always be there..
because if it isn't.
then that simply wasn't love
love turns your world around.
it makes everything go upside down ..
love is something that everyone strives for.. everyone searches.
sometimes you aren't even looking for it .. and when it hits
nothing is stronger.
THAT IS LOVE
and even the least affectionate..
and the coldest of hearts will feel it,
and it will change you...
my thought about LOVE is that is amazing.
it is indescribable..
but it is LOVE
something.. i was thinking about.
as i lay in my bed..
starring at my black celling
listening to the songs my itunes plays as it is on shuffle..
Just...
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
love is a very controversial subject with alot of people
some people love to love
while other love to hate love.
but which ever side it is that you take
there is something no one can Deny.
YOU WILL EXPERIENCE LOVE IN YOUR LIFETIME.
Some like to say that you can live your life fall in love.. and fall out of love and then just keep going..
But i very strongly disagree
i do not think that you can fall out of love, or that love actually dies.
i Think that love is such a strong feeling, a strong emotion that it completely changes you .. it changes how you act. how you think and the things you do. And because of you that you can never fall out of love.
because the change will always be a part of you .
everyone has their first love. so pure.. so unconditional and so naive
and i think this is the hardest love to let go of.
What i do believe is when you know that the love you are feeling..
is not good.
that the situation you have been putting up with or the circumstances that have arisen are not suitable for you.
that the relationship you are par taking in has become a poison.
that that you must get yourself out of .
that i do believe in ..
but the love that you have for the person
will always be there..
because if it isn't.
then that simply wasn't love
love turns your world around.
it makes everything go upside down ..
love is something that everyone strives for.. everyone searches.
sometimes you aren't even looking for it .. and when it hits
nothing is stronger.
THAT IS LOVE
and even the least affectionate..and the coldest of hearts will feel it,
and it will change you...
my thought about LOVE is that is amazing.
it is indescribable..
but it is LOVE
something.. i was thinking about.
as i lay in my bed..
starring at my black celling
listening to the songs my itunes plays as it is on shuffle..
Just...
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Thoughts.. just Thoughts
Do you ever get that feeling...
its soo deep inside. that something isnt right.
that something is up
and you dont know what and you dont know how to explain it.. but you feel it soo deep inside your gut.
i have that feeling right. Now.. i feel as if something is going on.
and certain things just idk
they just feel off you know what i mean
i am sitting here with my brother. just watching a show on prisoners.
and it hit me like a brick wall ..
something is going on...
ugh i hate it.. but its true..
idk
any ways...
today was an ok day actually
i woke up i went for a run.
i added more to the website that i am getting ready to Launch.
i played some video games. and really just chilled.
i hung out with a friend. went to a record store.
and then to Victoria gardens and then the mills lol
but it was cool just chilling with a friend..
the funniest thing just happened..
that as i was writing this.
she texted me..
completely not knowing what was going on and simply said
I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING WRONG IS GOING ON, I LOVE YOU JON
seriously who would think that someone i met on such a fling would come out to be such a great friend..
any ways.. ganan just chill out and watch TV with my bro.
tomorrow.. i think I'm ganna go to school lol
i don't know yet.
we shall see how i feel.
and i think i need a new hobby.
or idk something
a new job my days feel so empty now..
as if i am just living with no purpose..
so that is that ..
and things will be what they are
just different things that make up
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
its soo deep inside. that something isnt right.
that something is up
and you dont know what and you dont know how to explain it.. but you feel it soo deep inside your gut.
i have that feeling right. Now.. i feel as if something is going on.
and certain things just idk
they just feel off you know what i mean
i am sitting here with my brother. just watching a show on prisoners.
and it hit me like a brick wall ..
something is going on...
ugh i hate it.. but its true..
idk
any ways...
today was an ok day actually
i woke up i went for a run.
i added more to the website that i am getting ready to Launch.
i played some video games. and really just chilled.
i hung out with a friend. went to a record store.
and then to Victoria gardens and then the mills lol
but it was cool just chilling with a friend..
the funniest thing just happened..
that as i was writing this.
she texted me..
completely not knowing what was going on and simply said
I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING WRONG IS GOING ON, I LOVE YOU JON
seriously who would think that someone i met on such a fling would come out to be such a great friend..
any ways.. ganan just chill out and watch TV with my bro.
tomorrow.. i think I'm ganna go to school lol
i don't know yet.
we shall see how i feel.
and i think i need a new hobby.
or idk something
a new job my days feel so empty now..
as if i am just living with no purpose..
so that is that ..
and things will be what they are
just different things that make up
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
MONDAY
Monday wich was yesterday I woke up
cleaned.
went to go eat with my mom .
and then i went to the movies with
Roman.
Justin
and
Ashley .
We ended up seeing I am number Four.
and it was actaully a really good movie..
the actor..
bomb..
honestly he is a cutie
his dad.
is a cutie as well lol
it is always a good time when i am with them ... lol
walked around the mall and laughed.
i went to Manolos had a quick conversation with him.
and then left.
i went to my trannys house.. had a talk to her.
and idk i love her.
she put so many things in perspective for me
and let me know exactly what i needed to hear.
now i am back to who i am orgianlly am ..
and idk
im happy =]
just another part of
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
cleaned.
went to go eat with my mom .
and then i went to the movies with
Roman.
Justin
and
Ashley .
We ended up seeing I am number Four.
and it was actaully a really good movie..
the actor..
bomb..
honestly he is a cutie
his dad.
is a cutie as well lol
it is always a good time when i am with them ... lol
walked around the mall and laughed.
i went to Manolos had a quick conversation with him.
and then left.
i went to my trannys house.. had a talk to her.
and idk i love her.
she put so many things in perspective for me
and let me know exactly what i needed to hear.
now i am back to who i am orgianlly am ..
and idk
im happy =]
just another part of
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
RECAP ON WEEKEND
Okay so
on sunday
Jerry and I went to
see Manny and Saul .
We hung out and just laughed..
then pretty soon Jerry left and Dina came.
Then Mannys friend Wherra came..
we started drinking and making plans for the night
we decided to
go Oasis..
and it was alright
with manny saul dina and wherra it was a great time
but then i started to sketch out.
because of everything that was going on .
Manolo was there.. and idk it was weird.. lol
But i think it was needed.. somethings needed to come to a head...
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
on sunday
Jerry and I went to
see Manny and Saul .
We hung out and just laughed..
then pretty soon Jerry left and Dina came.
Then Mannys friend Wherra came..
we started drinking and making plans for the night
we decided to
go Oasis..
and it was alright
with manny saul dina and wherra it was a great time
but then i started to sketch out.
because of everything that was going on .
Manolo was there.. and idk it was weird.. lol
But i think it was needed.. somethings needed to come to a head...
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Sunday, February 27, 2011
QUICKIE
so today i am going to hang out witha couple
their names are
Manny and Saul
and honestly they are the funnest couple to be around.
they both work for a med lap
and are hella i m love.
seeing them
gives fags hope that it is possible..
they are mutual friends of jerry and I
so i text jerry and say ..
hey lets go hang out with manny and saul
and he replies
CAN I DO DRAG lol
seriously..
made me crak up
and i said
NO they mean right now during the day
and he said
yeah can i be in drag
lol i love jerry it is never a dull moment. with im
just another part of
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
their names are
Manny and Saul
and honestly they are the funnest couple to be around.
they both work for a med lap
and are hella i m love.
seeing them
gives fags hope that it is possible..
they are mutual friends of jerry and I
so i text jerry and say ..
hey lets go hang out with manny and saul
and he replies
CAN I DO DRAG lol
seriously..
made me crak up
and i said
NO they mean right now during the day
and he said
yeah can i be in drag
lol i love jerry it is never a dull moment. with im
just another part of
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
THE COCKY SIDE OF ME
So I know that I am not the best looking guy in the world.
neither do i think that i am ..
seriously
but at the same time i know i am not the ugliest
=]
and there are those times... those outfits where i know i look bomb
in addition to that.
i know that i am a great guy.
and at the end looks will fade.. but who you are as a person remains.
and my looks aren't fading soon
I mean I'm 21 look like I'm 15
my mother is 43 and look like she is in her early 30s
so i will look as good as i look for a while .
with he addition of not smoking and hardly drinking.
that makes me look even younger.
but with all that.. there are days that i am cocky..
and i am very cocky with certain things.
i know that i am genuine..
honest
and faithful
and those are rare qualities to truly find in a fag.
i know that i have my shit together..
and am always willing to help a friend.
i know when i have done bad and have no problem apologizing.
i personally have never had a problem pulling either..
guys or girls
and when i want someone i get them
and i love the way i look in the morning. lol
i swear
roman and i where talking about this..
MORNING IS MY TIME OF DAY lol
idk this is just a blog of talking non sense.. just for the hell of blogging i guess.
lets see what adventures i get myself in today
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
neither do i think that i am ..
seriously
but at the same time i know i am not the ugliest
=]
and there are those times... those outfits where i know i look bomb
in addition to that.
i know that i am a great guy.
and at the end looks will fade.. but who you are as a person remains.
and my looks aren't fading soon
I mean I'm 21 look like I'm 15
my mother is 43 and look like she is in her early 30s
so i will look as good as i look for a while .
with he addition of not smoking and hardly drinking.
that makes me look even younger.
but with all that.. there are days that i am cocky..
and i am very cocky with certain things.
i know that i am genuine..
honest
and faithful
and those are rare qualities to truly find in a fag.
i know that i have my shit together..
and am always willing to help a friend.
i know when i have done bad and have no problem apologizing.
i personally have never had a problem pulling either..
guys or girls
and when i want someone i get them
and i love the way i look in the morning. lol
i swear
roman and i where talking about this..
MORNING IS MY TIME OF DAY lol
idk this is just a blog of talking non sense.. just for the hell of blogging i guess.
lets see what adventures i get myself in today
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
TODAY
well today..
i really didnt blog.. wich is weird since i always have some witty
remark or though in my head.
but not today..
today was just calm and normal
i woke up i cleaned alittle
i got ready i went and i met with a potential client.
i talked to Manolo
i told Manolo some things that i needed to , and just get things off my chest.
i got home cleaned well sorta cleaned my room and hung out with my mom
today wasnt the crazy life of me..
it was just ME lol
oh i made more progress on my website =]
even though some obsticles came in my way..
you know i had to figure out a way to make it work .
lol
well goodnight
tomarrow is oscar day .
kinda sad that i am not going to the make up show but i mean money wont let me lol
cuz if i go i am ganan spend everything i have..
so yeah .. just
goodnight..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
i really didnt blog.. wich is weird since i always have some witty
remark or though in my head.
but not today..
today was just calm and normal
i woke up i cleaned alittle
i got ready i went and i met with a potential client.
i talked to Manolo
i told Manolo some things that i needed to , and just get things off my chest.
i got home cleaned well sorta cleaned my room and hung out with my mom
today wasnt the crazy life of me..
it was just ME lol
oh i made more progress on my website =]
even though some obsticles came in my way..
you know i had to figure out a way to make it work .
lol
well goodnight
tomarrow is oscar day .
kinda sad that i am not going to the make up show but i mean money wont let me lol
cuz if i go i am ganan spend everything i have..
so yeah .. just
goodnight..
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
Saturday, February 26, 2011
I AM SHY
shy 1 (sh
)
)adj. shi·er (sh
r) or shy·er, shi·est (sh
st) or shy·est
r) or shy·er, shi·est (shst) or shy·est1. Easily startled; timid.
2.
a. Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others; retiring or reserved.
b. Marked by reserve or diffidence: a shy glance.
3. Distrustful; wary: shy of strangers.
4. Not having paid an amount due, as one's ante in poker.
5. Short; lacking: Eleven is one shy of a dozen.
intr.v. shied (shd), shy·ing, shies (shz)
d), shy·ing, shies (shz)1. To move suddenly, as if startled; start.
2. To draw back, as from fear or caution; recoil.
n. pl. shies (shz)
z)A sudden movement, as from fright; a start.
By definition SHY means alot as you can see above..
AND IN REALITY NONE OF YOU MAY BELIEVE THAT I AM SHY
since you know me in real life..
and see how I am .
ex. I am always getting peoples numbers for friends or brothers friends.
ex. always talking and having a conversation with random people or strangers and end up becoming friends.
but I believe I am shy
by definition 2-a and 3.
2-a I have noticed that, there are certain things that I cant say. Certain things that I would rather write out.. and get a response then to sit there and talk about it face to face.
I honestly get shy, and I don't want to see the person expression or how they will react.
I am especially shy, when it comes to matters of the heart..
if i am feeling something..
or thinking about something strongly.
I am much better at articulating it and getting my point across. with it making sense.. if I simply write it out.
I know that for some people that is both annoying and useless.
but for me it works.
It is what I have done since I was little.
Always expressing myself threw writing.
In some incenses I can voice my opinion. but it seems also that I always say the thing your not suppose to say.
or I word things so badly..
which is ironic because I can always word things perfectly for friends.. but when it comes to me it is as if my
brain just goes dead.
I am trying to get better. And be able to speak to people about things... but in tell I am simply SHY.
3 this one is an easy one..
I am completely DISTRUSTFUL
I know that I am..
it is not that I don't trust people because there are alot of people in my life
that I could trust my life too .
but I am Distrustful with my heart.
I know, I know .
Woop De Doo .
What fag or with that what person isn't.
As I have mentioned before, when I was pretty much married.
Alot of things happened..
and I was always the one getting hurt.
I started to fallow my gut alot more. and would see that I was always right.
Then I was always feeling as if something was happening. so I would always think the negative.
which in that instance was always true..
but after 2 years of doing so. it has taken its toll on me..
and I still do so.
when I am talking or getting to know someone
i automatically start seeing what he could be doing wrong
which is horrible.. and I absolutely hate.
but I have found that the only way to stop that is by them showing me I am wrong.
I feel stupid yes.. but I think it is the only way to actually gain trust.
for example. Manolo in many instances proved me wrong.. as I was either thinking or feeling something.. and he would shut my feelings up with out. even knowing he was doing so..
That helped me gain trust in him.
another reason why I am so distrustful is LIES
I don't know why people LIE. even about the dumbest little things..
because as much trust as you may be getting for someone..
when a lie comes up it is as if all that trust is torn away.
especially when it is something that doesn't make a difference.
why lie about something that isn't important..
that only adds to me being distrusting.
Because if your lieing about unimportant things then you'll lie about important things..
NO ?
idk
as Manolo would say .:VIOLIN PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND:.
lol
I thought I would put that out there..
so that you guys can simply get a better understanding of how I am..
and the way I do things
cuz god knows I wouldn't tell you..
so I simply wrote. it
just another things in
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
THOUGHTS ABOUT THE HEART
Why is it that your heart is always messing things up ?
They say that the brain and the heart are suppose to work differently that sometimes you can think with the logic of your brain, or the passion of your heart.. (BUT WHO THE HELL IS THEY?!?!?)
and that it is rare when they both run together on a set topics such as a partner ( boy or girl or tranny {i don't judge})
but it sucks when they do work together.. but in a bad way.
as a person I naturally tend to over think everything, and analyze every scenario. and all the possible outcomes or obstacles..
I mean its a good thing in other aspects as I am almost always prepared when something arises.
(one of the few things I thank my father for teaching me )
but when it comes to the heart it really isn't a good thing.
I catch myself.. good and happy.
but then a thought crosses my head and I run with it..
I start looking at every thing that has occurred. and bring my own
conclusion to things..
when it can be so simply asked and answered..
idk I feel as if I am not making sense. and in reality I probably am not..
but in my whacked out head..
of all young adult, gay make up and craziness
I feel as if .. I am in the perfect logic.
lol
this really is
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
They say that the brain and the heart are suppose to work differently that sometimes you can think with the logic of your brain, or the passion of your heart.. (BUT WHO THE HELL IS THEY?!?!?)
and that it is rare when they both run together on a set topics such as a partner ( boy or girl or tranny {i don't judge})
but it sucks when they do work together.. but in a bad way.
as a person I naturally tend to over think everything, and analyze every scenario. and all the possible outcomes or obstacles..
I mean its a good thing in other aspects as I am almost always prepared when something arises.
(one of the few things I thank my father for teaching me )
but when it comes to the heart it really isn't a good thing.
I catch myself.. good and happy.
but then a thought crosses my head and I run with it..
I start looking at every thing that has occurred. and bring my own
conclusion to things..
when it can be so simply asked and answered..
idk I feel as if I am not making sense. and in reality I probably am not..
but in my whacked out head..
of all young adult, gay make up and craziness
I feel as if .. I am in the perfect logic.
lol
this really is
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
MORNING THOUGHTS
So i woke up this morning.. and the first though as i open my eyes.
DAMN I NEED TO GO PEE. lol
but after that since it was a fairly good time to wake up ( 7 am)
i decided to start cleaning my room .
for you that know me personally, you know that my room and I have an on going battle, of who is going to win..
not only that but the gnomes as well .
i swear my room is attacked by gnomes every time i leave.
as i will clean and clean and when things are finally looking back together,
i go to the bathroom come back and it is all messy again..
those DAMN GNOMES
So as i am unpacking all my hats and stuff that i took to Vegas that were just sitting there in the luggage still
there are a few things that i thought about..
1) i hardly wear the hats i have
2) i need new hats
3) i have a awful lot of shoes... when did i get all these shoes
4) i really want those shoes i saw yesterday lol
5) LAUNDRY IS SOMETHING I NEED TO DO.
and
6) time to throw things away.
when my room is complete i will post pictures so you guys can see how good it looks finished..
so stay tuned.
not making any promises on when it will be finished lol .
so that's about it on my room..
just another part that adds to
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
DAMN I NEED TO GO PEE. lol
but after that since it was a fairly good time to wake up ( 7 am)
i decided to start cleaning my room .
for you that know me personally, you know that my room and I have an on going battle, of who is going to win..
not only that but the gnomes as well .
i swear my room is attacked by gnomes every time i leave.
as i will clean and clean and when things are finally looking back together,
i go to the bathroom come back and it is all messy again..
those DAMN GNOMES
So as i am unpacking all my hats and stuff that i took to Vegas that were just sitting there in the luggage still
there are a few things that i thought about..
1) i hardly wear the hats i have
2) i need new hats
3) i have a awful lot of shoes... when did i get all these shoes
4) i really want those shoes i saw yesterday lol
5) LAUNDRY IS SOMETHING I NEED TO DO.
and
6) time to throw things away.
when my room is complete i will post pictures so you guys can see how good it looks finished..
so stay tuned.
not making any promises on when it will be finished lol .
so that's about it on my room..
just another part that adds to
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
THE NIGHT OUT WITH THE STRAIGHTS
So tonight i was planning on just staying at home.. and do nothing but watch a movie..
my brother.. soon walks in with four of his friends.. telling me to get dressed that we were going out..
and so i did what he asked.
we drive out to ontario pick up two more friends.. and start our journey out to LA ..
tonight for those of you that dont know.. it is pouring outside..
we hidro plane about twice. and finally make to LA ..
and to TOMMYS mmm
if you know my brother an I you know there are two things we go to LA for..
TOMMYS and ROSCOES
after eating ...
the guys then realize there is a group of girls there..
so since they are all vags.. they send me to do all the talking..
so being the friendly fag that i am .. i walk over and say hello.
they were actaully really pretty and really nice..
but they all thought i was straight.. wich was weird cuz i didnt put on my straight voice or act..
but oh well
we end up talking and all go to abiba..
one of the largest record stores..
so after some further flirting with the girls..
and walking around talking smack about things in the store
the girls invite us to a kick back in hollywood. that they are all going too .
by this point all my bros friends are excited..
thinkn they are all ganna get some.
we pass by a seven 11
and get some beers and head. out.
we get to the kikback
and it was wack .
so all these girls, since at this point they knew i was gay called an army of fags
sopposibly cause they all think that they need to hook me up since they
just meet me .
we end up being there for about 5 minutes and bounce..
the whole way home..
all te guys are happy cuz they got one of the girls numbers.
we are all talking about growing up
our old toys
ex. yoyos with brains. scooters. pogs and light up shoes.
and we trade funny stores.
not to mention the baby sitter from hell
all in all it was a great night..
and something else.. to add to
THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME
my brother.. soon walks in with four of his friends.. telling me to get dressed that we were going out..
and so i did what he asked.
we drive out to ontario pick up two more friends.. and start our journey out to LA ..
tonight for those of you that dont know.. it is pouring outside..
we hidro plane about twice. and finally make to LA ..
and to TOMMYS mmm
if you know my brother an I you know there are two things we go to LA for..
TOMMYS and ROSCOES
after eating ...
the guys then realize there is a group of girls there..
so since they are all vags.. they send me to do all the talking..
so being the friendly fag that i am .. i walk over and say hello.
they were actaully really pretty and really nice..
but they all thought i was straight.. wich was weird cuz i didnt put on my straight voice or act..
but oh well
we end up talking and all go to abiba..
one of the largest record stores..
so after some further flirting with the girls..
and walking around talking smack about things in the store
the girls invite us to a kick back in hollywood. that they are all going too .
by this point all my bros friends are excited..
thinkn they are all ganna get some.
we pass by a seven 11
and get some beers and head. out.
we get to the kikback
and it was wack .
so all these girls, since at this point they knew i was gay called an army of fags
sopposibly cause they all think that they need to hook me up since they
just meet me .
we end up being there for about 5 minutes and bounce..
the whole way home..
all te guys are happy cuz they got one of the girls numbers.
we are all talking about growing up
our old toys
ex. yoyos with brains. scooters. pogs and light up shoes.
and we trade funny stores.
not to mention the baby sitter from hell
all in all it was a great night..
and something else.. to add to
FROM UP STAIRS
jenni for MANOLO
FOR ROMAN
Friday, February 25, 2011
WAKING UP TOO
I woke up to alot on my plate this morning..
I have a client to do today at 4 in burbank but that really isnt anything.. to worry or stress about.. its just easy money .
but then a good friend of mine texts me.. we have not been in contact lately as he has been mad that i did not make his Drag Preformance..
even though i have never missed one.
the reason why i couldnt make it was because one of my bestfriends Mom passed away that day. and i couldnt do anythin.. i just stayed there..
he told me that since i havent made an effort to speak to him it shows him the kind of person I am .
WOW really.
Come on now.
SERIOUSLY
i apologized for not going to your show and you ignored me..
you knew i was going threw something and you still cant pick up the phone to atleast text me..
but your making me out to be the bad guy =/
it is really just to much.. honestly..
and then ontop of that.. its just more and more.. ish.
so i have to get ready for my client..
and
this weekend is the make up show... kinda excited about that and to be able to just get my mindoff of thigs
I have a client to do today at 4 in burbank but that really isnt anything.. to worry or stress about.. its just easy money .
but then a good friend of mine texts me.. we have not been in contact lately as he has been mad that i did not make his Drag Preformance..
even though i have never missed one.
the reason why i couldnt make it was because one of my bestfriends Mom passed away that day. and i couldnt do anythin.. i just stayed there..
he told me that since i havent made an effort to speak to him it shows him the kind of person I am .
WOW really.
Come on now.
SERIOUSLY
i apologized for not going to your show and you ignored me..
you knew i was going threw something and you still cant pick up the phone to atleast text me..
but your making me out to be the bad guy =/
it is really just to much.. honestly..
and then ontop of that.. its just more and more.. ish.
so i have to get ready for my client..
and
this weekend is the make up show... kinda excited about that and to be able to just get my mindoff of thigs
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