random thoughts collected in my head

so this past weekend was memorial weekend.
and it  was random as all hell ..

i ended up going to vegas witha  few friends all last minute..
and i am so happy that i went.
i met some really great peole
got closer to even better people
and over all just had an amazing time .

while i was there the last day i would just think how i already wanted to be home.
how i just wanted to be here.
when in reality
now that i am home.
for the past couple days.
it doesnt feel like home at all .

i feel as if i want to go somewhere.
i want to search  for some place. that will feel like home to me .

for the first time vegas felt as a get away.
not just somewhere to go .
as if  was escaping .my norm .
but is it weird. that when i am back in my norm i just want to go
back lol ..

ontop of that i dont know what my heart is telling me..
my heart and my mind dont know. what to do with each other lol .

i know who it is that i care for.and who it is that i love.
and at the same time . i also know. who i dont need in my life or around me any more.

but why is it so hard to do what i know i need to do.

i just want to pack my bags up and run away to denver.
but is that really the smartest thing to do ?
is that what i should be doing ?

i have this new job. and dont get me wrong..
its a job.
and i like knowing that at the end o the week i will get a pay check
but i am not excited to go to work every day
and i am only 21.
shouldnt i be excited.

i feel so old for my years.
as if i have done and felt so much.
i cant possibly see what else can happen .
wich at the same time . i know is dumb. because no one
ever knows what it is that could happen to them in
their lives.

i dont kow why i feel as if i need to sit down and talkt to TJ
i call her my mom for a reason
and it is simply because. she can sit there and read me like abook
she can telll me what i need to hear.
not just what i want to .
every time i see her, i just feel at peace. about everything.

and why at the same time .. that i know i am not alone.. that is
exactly how i feel
i feel soooo soo alone .
i think part of it has to do that no one is texting meback . llol

and that never helps my case.. but yeah idk
this is just a post of jiberish that is running threw my head

and just something else that mkes this
the crazy life of me