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Thoughts that run threw my head as I drive out to johns house. Why is it that I am putting up with things that I normally wouldn't put up with lately, my gutt feeling is telling me go just walk away from certain situations but yet I am still there. Why? 
I know who i am and I know what it is that I can endure. What it is that i can put up wi th and what I deserve to put up with. 
Why am i letting myself fall behind. 
Should I believe what it is that I am being told or turn aw ay now? 
 I am sitting here I n johns apartment as he naps fopr our "night out" 
And I Strangly feel oddly comfortable here on the couch. Writing this as I am. I feel as if I am in my room.
I really honestly need to get my shit together. 
I need to find a job that is both relaiable and pays good. Even if I get payed what I get payed now but with a lot more hours.  

I see my. Focus. Shifting to what it was before and I hadn't realized it until tod ay as I drove over here. 
 I am starting to put other things before me, and that isn't good at all. 

Other things thAt c tossed my mind n the way out is things that are taboo to speak about,and why some people are nosy. Lol 

Let's admit it we are all nosy, to some point of another. For instance if I am dating w person or am going over to their place for the first time. And it is their own place I always go to the bathroom. And while in there I look behind their Medicine cabinet, you le arn oat about a person by looking behind. Their medicine cabinet. 
 Idk it is just a using of mine lol . Just how if you look inside a girls purse you will find out what type of girl she is.  Same principal. 

I hope that you guys are having a great d ay and are being s age I will probably be adding something in later tonight once I. Go threw my drunken adventures =] 

Goodnight... Be safe ... 
Cuz it is just more that adds up to 

tHE cRAZY LiFE oF mE 

Best thoughts

So why is it that the best thoughts always come to mind in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep but yu and you start playing random music


And what is it about music and being able to trigger memories and emotions being able to make ho happy and at the same time bring you pain?

Well I am sitting here in my room thinking about random things and random people,
And for some reason i miss mr sonics =\ lol

love letter ... unread

i dont know why you do this to yourself..
why do you keep on letting people treat you this way..
you say you change.. or that you will change..
you say you stronger but at the same time you aren t
and everyone can see..
people still seeem to use you .
to
get things from you
people think they can walk all over you .
why cant you see it..
what cant you change it.

do you even love yourself ?

the things i think about when i wake up

FAGS...
isnt it funny how when gay guys find someone that gives them even a glimpse  of that happiness that they want .
that self worthyness,
the love,
attention.
they wrap their whole lives around that person.

from night to day.. literally. they could meet the night before lol . they are in love. they have found the one. they begin to call each other baby.. every post every tweet every text is about them..
and then when it all comes crashing down on their head they wonder

WHY ? 
we were so happy, we were so good, then we started fighting, and everything and now. we are just here.
and i dont like it.. i miss him blah blah blah blah blah..

i think it is pathetic how people do so... why cant you just see how things are going to turn out?

if you fallow the same dating pattern, and you keep meeting people in the same areas. the turn out will be the same.

so why act any diffrent? why expect anything more then what is. ?

how about for a change you actually try meeting the person, hanging out with them .
having conversations. dont go straight to sac and expect it to be yoru life partner..

fags in total ... just amuse me..  they do so much... for something that in reality is nothing.. =]

as i said thoughts of the day . and just another thing that makes it

THE CRAZY LIFE OF ME

random thoughts collected in my head

so this past weekend was memorial weekend.
and it  was random as all hell ..

i ended up going to vegas witha  few friends all last minute..
and i am so happy that i went.
i met some really great peole
got closer to even better people
and over all just had an amazing time .

while i was there the last day i would just think how i already wanted to be home.
how i just wanted to be here.
when in reality
now that i am home.
for the past couple days.
it doesnt feel like home at all .

i feel as if i want to go somewhere.
i want to search  for some place. that will feel like home to me .

for the first time vegas felt as a get away.
not just somewhere to go .
as if  was escaping .my norm .
but is it weird. that when i am back in my norm i just want to go
back lol ..

ontop of that i dont know what my heart is telling me..
my heart and my mind dont know. what to do with each other lol .

i know who it is that i care for.and who it is that i love.
and at the same time . i also know. who i dont need in my life or around me any more.

but why is it so hard to do what i know i need to do.

i just want to pack my bags up and run away to denver.
but is that really the smartest thing to do ?
is that what i should be doing ?

i have this new job. and dont get me wrong..
its a job.
and i like knowing that at the end o the week i will get a pay check
but i am not excited to go to work every day
and i am only 21.
shouldnt i be excited.

i feel so old for my years.
as if i have done and felt so much.
i cant possibly see what else can happen .
wich at the same time . i know is dumb. because no one
ever knows what it is that could happen to them in
their lives.

i dont kow why i feel as if i need to sit down and talkt to TJ
i call her my mom for a reason
and it is simply because. she can sit there and read me like abook
she can telll me what i need to hear.
not just what i want to .
every time i see her, i just feel at peace. about everything.

and why at the same time .. that i know i am not alone.. that is
exactly how i feel
i feel soooo soo alone .
i think part of it has to do that no one is texting meback . llol

and that never helps my case.. but yeah idk
this is just a post of jiberish that is running threw my head

and just something else that mkes this
the crazy life of me

THE GOOD GUY

ok i am soo sick and tired of always being the good guy.
i mean i  know
it is something that i have prided myself on,
being someone that is sincer
honest
loyal
genuwine.
and thoughtfull
i take care of my friends. and my family. and i make sure that everyone around me is ok.

but at the same time..
i dont want to be known as
JON
the good guy or the nice guy

in the past couple of weeks i have heard that sooo effing much
and in reality it bugs me.
i know that it shouldnt but it does.

there is alot more to me then just the nice guy
that is always taking care of everyone
or doing things for everyone.

idk... i just felt as if i could vent and just let things out  in the open ...

i hate the fact that i care so much.. about everyone... sometimes i just wish i could be selfish.


the crazy life of me

inspirational thoughts

No matter what, once in your life, someones gonna hurt you. That someone will take all that you are, and rip it into pieces and they won’t even watch where the pieces land. But through the breakdown, you’ll learn something about yourself. You’ll learn that you’re strong. And no matter how hard they destroy you, that you can conquer anyone.


you must live your life... and know  everything that you choose to do.. is because of that.. 
you choose to do it.. 


don't just sit there and be a spectator. make your choices and fallow them threw.. do not  simply breathe to  exist but choose to inhale and exhale.. 
know that you make the difference to someone.. and that in reality you are never alone... 


and know that if you know me.. 
and are reading this.. 
that you are loved.. 


N THAT I LOVE YOU ..